Where one can find happiness?

Upon Meeting

               It was about one in the  morning, and Emma had been up dealing with worry and anxiety. She had always been an effortless sleeper, yet tonight was different. She got online and begun to search for someone anyone to talk to. She ended up meeting a guy. He was one of the most uncensored, infuriating, and breathtaking human beings she had ever met. He spoke his mind and was brutally honest with her whenever he had something to say. Needless to say, she was intrigued with this boy.

              Why? At the time, she didn't understand what was going on. She only knew that it was going to be hard to let him go. In talking to each other they learned many things. Problems, issues, fears, and much more. They would stay up for hours on end just laughing, or crying, or just being sleep deprived idiots. He thought maybe she had no feelings for him and he would be left alone, for most of his life.

            The thing that really made her day was him. Always calling her beautiful, and his princess, baby girl, all these little phrases that made her day a bit better. Even if he thought it was useless. Then he confessed. She had never really liked anyone and she didn't know what to respond with. In doing this she ended up hurting him. They made a deal. Two weeks, just two. If the outcome came that she still had no feelings for him. He would leave.

          Realizing slowly, but surely she was bad for him. She wanted him to go. Or, that's mostly what she thought. In reality, she'd been abused and hated guys. He was the only one she felt some kind of trust for. She never wanted to let him walk out of her life. Soon their conversations changed from good to talking about how much they would miss each other. One thing they always knew was they were losing time.

        She would worry for him, worry for his safety, his health, his everything. All she wanted was to see him being okay, and being happy. Because seeing him like that, and hearing him like that lifted her heart and made her lightheaded in a way she couldn't understand. However, She was conflicted. Her accepting his feelings made her guilty, and her not knowing how she felt made her ever worse.

All she wanted to do was thank him. For the happiness, the self confidence, the memories, the calls that lasted for hours and hours on end. Just for being sanity town when she felt like she was drowning In a pit of problems. Hers, and others. He was there, every night. For a call or a chat, just something, and that was all she could ever ask from him. All she ever wanted from him.

She began to think of him outside of calls, and want to just be with him twenty four seven. Still not understanding what was going on, she felt like a torture machine. She had been hurting him because she couldn't tell her own feelings. Hurting him because of a past she couldn't look past. It made her hurt because she remembered that one night. He began to cry. He was drunk on call and all of his feelings came out.

About him liking her, and why he had to leave. In that moment, she felt like the worst human being on the planet. How could she hurt the one person making her happy? Distracting her from all of the other stuff she had going on. The only thing she wanted to do in that moment was hug him, and explain how sorry she was for everything.

The only thing she wanted him to know was how sorry she was. It was on her mind all the time now. What could she do to make it better? How could she make him happy? Did she accept his feelings? Let him go, even if it would hurt like hell?

These questions boggled her mind and made her dizzy until she fell into sleep. It wasn't new for someone to leave her, what was new, was the pain she felt from it happening.