(One of) Bill and Ted's Most Embarrassing Youth Tales

“Bill Preston, please report to the office. Bill Preston, please report to the office.”

Literally everyone in the class abruptly turned to look at a very wide-eyed little Bill, who sat alone in the back of the class. He looked most bewildered, looking directly ahead and half leaning towards the empty desk next to him. It was well known to the other little boys and girls that Bill, and his currently-non-present friend Ted were usually the goof-offs of the class, but they never did anything worthy enough of an office call. Even the teacher tilted her glasses down slightly to look at him.

He glanced to the intercom briefly, his brows creasing worried lines into his forehead, then he looked back at no one in particular, blinking in a most alarmed way.

There was a most uncomfortably still moment, all observing Bill without a sound.

"…Bill?" the teacher asked to prompt him. She and everyone else watched him very carefully as he slowly and numbly slid out of his seat, and tripped on the leg of his desk(Causing a couple of kids to giggle at him). He looked like he was on a death march, shuffling forward to the front of the class without moving his head, blinking at the ground one last time, and then finally stumbling out of the classroom.

He awkwardly scuffed his way down the hall, ducking his head when he heard startling laughter from the room he just exited. For some reason, he felt like everyone else thought he was being funny. But he didn’t quite understand why.

"This is bogus," he mumbled hopelessly to himself, trudging around a corner and continuing down the hall that led to the main office at the front of the Elementary School. He really wished Ted was there; Ted always made everything better, and he almost never went a day without seeing his best dude. Well, actually, never. This was officially the longest Bill had ever gone in his entire life history without smiling.

He’d walked into school with Ted, but they got separated when Ted had to run to the bathroom and Bill had to get to class to account for both of them so the teacher wouldn’t count them absent. But it’d already been two painfully heinous hours in class without Ted showing up, and Bill was, hence, most upset. Two whole hours, way too long to be separated. It probably wasn’t even healthy. For two hours he’d sat there, all alone and not even paying attention to what the teacher was saying. He felt lightheaded even as he proceeded his plodding trek until he got to the end of the hall.

Bill bit his lip and bounced nervously on his toes to stall in front of the ominous door, totally clueless as to what he’d done wrong. As far as he knew, he and Ted followed almost every guideline the teachers had set for them as closely as Bill-and-Ted-ly possible. What did they do wrong? Or, well since Ted wasn’t here, what did he do wrong?

Finally it was time, and he knew it. He could hear yelling in the room and didn’t want to be part of it, even though he had no choice. So, with a most considerably deep breath, Bill reached up and grasped the handle in his small hand to push it open with great effort.

He froze in the doorway, one thing capturing his most easily diverted attention immediately. “Ted?” he asked incredulously, looking at the one dark-haired, lanky little boy sitting in a huge seat in front of the desk. He looked up in alarm, and he repeated back the call. “Bill?” he asked quietly, in a tone he had never heard Ted use before.

The other people in the room let out a sigh of relief, and Bill finally took in the rest of the setting. Ted’s most disgruntled dad was sitting next to his son in his detective uniform, and the ruddy-cheeked principal sat with his fingers laced together behind the desk. “Mr. Preston,” he said in a most sarcastically pleasant tone. “Good that you’re here, young Mr. Logan refused to say anything unless you were here.”

Bill didn’t hesitate to hurry to his dude, coming up behind him to stand next to the chair. His eyes widened even further when he realised Ted was blushing. Like, totally blushing an extremely dark shade of red. Bill didn’t think it was possible for his slightly darker complected friend to blush, but here he was, wringing his hands and blushing bright as day. “Dude?” he asked softly, and reached out to touch his shoulder, but hesitated.

"What happened? What did you do?" he demanded of the principal, most valiantly defending Ted and getting slightly shrill in worry. "What did you do to Ted?!" he yelled.

The principal looked slightly amused but annoyed at the same time and smiled most wryly at Bill, where Ted’s dad looked ashamed to exist in the room. “Ted, tell Bill what you did, son.” he grumbled , rolling his eyes and resting his head in his hand.

Bill looked back to Ted, watching  as he glanced up at him with his dark eyes, and then back to the ground a few times. “I…” he reluctantly began. “I, um…”

He shifted in his seat, shimmying back as if trying to hide in the chair. Then he blinked, and brushed back his shaggy dark hair, only to have it curtain his face again. “I-I wanted to know if, uh, babes were…” he trailed off, a shaky breath leaving his chest. “I mean…If girls were r-really made of sugar and spice…” he murmured nearly inaudibly to the floor, the humiliation almost impossibly evident in his tone. But then he shook his head and looked down in shame to conceal his face as he reached maximum blush level, and bit his lip.

Bill gawked at him. Then he blinked and closed his mouth, but his jaw fell open again. “Uh.” he said. “T-Ted…Dude, you didn’t…” he gulped, and the rest of the question was obvious, right on the tip of his tongue.

Ted nodded and made a face, his shoulders sagging and shaking just a little. “She tasted weird,” he added quietly, and the principal breathed most forcefully, trying to stifle his chuckling, and his dad groaned.

"Weird like what?" Bill asked, genuinely curious.

"Not like sugar and spice and everything nice." Ted elaborated in a soft voice.

"Oh." Bill said, and wrinkled his nose. Then he finally noticed the waiting room across the way, and he could see through the glass an older little blonde girl angrily scrubbing sanatiser on her arm with her mom talking to someone on the phone. He had to hide his grin. "Ah, dude, it’s alright. She’ll get over it," he offered, patting Ted’s shoulder. 

"Mr. Preston, Mr. Logan," the principal interjected, and Bill and Ted simultaneously looked up at him. "You will both be sent home for the day. My reasoning," he grinned when Ted’s dad opened his mouth to object. "Is that it’s Friday, and you boys look like you need an extra day to get your heads together, alright?" Bill and Ted nodded eagerly. "In that case, see you on Monday." With that, he stood up and straightened his tie, then walked to the door to conult with the mother of the little girl.

Bill and Ted looked at each other. “Excellent!” they exclaimed at the same time, and played a most unprecedented air guitar riff while Ted’s dad stared at them in shock. As they took their leave, they marched out of the school most proudly, and smiled broadly at the early day. The five year-olds knew they would have a most triumphant weekend if it started like this.

=WS=

The principal sighed and shook his head at the girl, while her mom tried to stop her using the sanatiser. “Missy, honey, you’re making the room smell weird. Your arm is clean, I promise.”

"But mom!" Missy complained loudly. "I’ll never be clean again! He licked me!”

”~*~O~o~O~*~”

I feel like this would really happen, if I’m honest :P XD

~Fezzes64