What exactly is trust? It could be a feeling.... Or a cause and effect kind of thing. Of course, one cannot say that it itself does not exist. Because it can be gained and lost, and it is seen in the actions of us humans as we live our lives. And yet... no one can really grasp the concept of trust. I suppose I will just start out with what I view as trust, and my experiences with it. Perhaps that will lead me to an explanation. I may even have a sudden great realization, just by reviewing and analyzing my past! Oh the joy! I cannot wait! Let me begin.
I have not had the best experience with trust. It has been an excruciatingly painful and difficult road for me, not to mention a confusing one. I have been turned on, backstabbed, kicked while on the ground, you name it. People seem to always break their trust with me. They gain it, and then do something to lose it all.
Now when I was younger (meaning up until about six or so months ago) It did not take much for me to trust someone. If I became friends with someone, after some time, I felt like I could tell them my life story, and it would be safe with them. I learned about teenage humans the hard way. Not many can really be trusted. From my middle school years, I would have many hurtful tests, and learn lessons that would shape me into the untrusting and, fortunately much wiser person who writes this paper. High school would get no better. With crushes came emotional vulnerability. This would be one of my many downfalls. I was hurt the most in this way. I was taught to be a friendly, caring, and loving child. I made friends easily until middle school. I was teased more than ever, and because it was so unexpected, I was impacted significantly.
Expectation. I think that it has a lot to do with trust. The two seem to tie into each other a lot. Part of trust is having the expectation that someone will do right and be right towards you. It is why you feel safe around them. When you trust someone, you are more comfortable. When you don't trust someone, you are more likely to keep your guard up, and I don't necessarily mean physically.
I am a wall of emotional guard. I am on constant alert. Because of the fact that I've been hurt so much in the past, I an a very untrusting person. I try my best not to drive people away. Some expect to be trusted, for they have earned it. Some just believe it comes with talking to them. In any case, I make sure that I am not hurt emotionally by things like this. Of course, I do allow people to gain and earn my trust. It is better than keeping everyone shut out. If I did, I might shoo away the really good people, and push back the people who care about me, in fear of being hurt and alone again, ultimately isolating myself anyway over time. It is also better than just giving my trust out to people, and allowing them to have access and enter my inner person, so to speak, without some sign or knowledge of whether or not they can be trusted. I have noticed that many people have a tendency to use and take advantage of things like this, throwing that person away after they have gotten what they wanted or after they've gotten bored.
When trust Is broken
Many things play out In the category of broken trust. Several things an cause it to be lost or broken. Lies. Probably the most common. Suspicions of lies. Failure to uphold a promise. I'm not talking about material items. I don't mean things like not showing up somewhere or doing a favor. Things can happen in life that cannot be changed, and it sometimes causes one to have to break a promise, because it is impossible to uphold after "life" happens. But there are things that shouldn't be broken. Things that shouldn't have to be. A promise that can't be broken due to outside circumstances. Like secrets, for example. There should be no reason, in my eyes, for a promise to be broken, unless someone is in danger, in which case only authorities should be told. In all other cases, there should be no reason for a secret to become anymore than that; if it was supposed to stay as It was, then it should stay as what the name states, a promise.
