What is LOVE?
I'm Ken I live in the Philippines I am a student. Im studying BSHRM in a local college, Im graduating this april. So far so good. But there is just this a little problem, its not my subject or any particular involvement regarding my study but actually its all about emotional pain, its hard to concentrate if you have regret loving but haunting you because of the karma. To make the story short, Im a total asshole and an idiot at the same time.
I have a girlfriend before and her name is Joanne we are very in love to each other, I really love her until she just cant appreciate the efforts that Im making. I give her everything that I could only have it just feel that Im putting to much effort to her but she seem cant see it. Her immaturity kills me. Don't misjudge me, Im immature also but I can't do things that she is doing to me. So I got tired and decided to break up with her, but the worst thing is this.
Before we break up it is our 1st Anniversary and I save money for us to spend on our celebration. That night when I look at her she didnt really satisfied to the things that I gave her, instead she cried and get angry on me because I didn't treat her to an expensive restaurant. So I got sick of this bullcrap I realize that our relationship is worthless and pointless. After that I break up with her personally and accept it. But eventually she cant help it and try to beg and cry in front because she can't live without me. Well I can't take back what I say cuz for me our relationship is pointless. And thats why I prove to my self that a person will only realize that she really love a person when its finally over.
After a month I am flirting with other girls and enjoying how freedom feels. But in the back of my mind, how is she doing right now? Does she also dating some new dudes now? Evening* I've receive a text message from her "Hey can we meet up? I just really need to give you something, this will be the last time, just give me another chance". So that evening I met her in the park where we last talk, and she give me a bag which all of my present, gifts and any material things that I gave her was inside the bag. "I don't want to see this in my house anymore, I just can't move on with this I hope there is no hard feeling". My heart was devour and my tears fell while she is walking away. I thought I already moved on but I was wrong, that moment all of I can think is what should I do with this stuff?
I note to my self "what would I do to move on? Y'now I still have her letters, and any gifts that she gave me, but what the heck! I can still live with this. I just need a good reason just to realize that being single is awesome! After a month I've met a girl and her name was Clara and this girl is just so beautiful and hot, this was the cousin that I've flirting around when Im still a freshman. So the first time that we met is when I am going home from my side job, I suddenly met her and invite for some booze in a nearby bar. And to my surprise my friend Jed was there and his girlfriend. So after we have some booze and to take her home at her dorm we suddenly kiss not just a smack in the chick but a torrid kiss that lasts till 7minutes, but my naughty hands are not just in her back but exploring her whole body but thats just the first night that we met. So second night was same as the first night but this time she invited me inside her bedroom in her dorm and just got a little freaky inside it, since no one is in there we just get naughty, she is my first time to take it all the way. So I got home 5am in the morning Thank God my parents are still sleeping that time.
This is the perks of being single but the part that Im worried is what if she got pregnant? I still dont know this woman! for God sake, I didnt talk, text, or even replying in her chat. Im very nervous because if my parents finds out that I got laid they could kill me. This part of my moment has the pros and its negative, Im kinda getting a conviction, Im a christian, a believer but what the heck that Im doing, I break up because I want to feel freedom not like this, hurting other girls. But I just keep it between me and God no one should know this.
Because of what happen I stop flirting with some other girls for a moment and try to hang out with my real friends, but this time it just make it worst, all because of the peer pressure. I used 2 to 4 woman just to prove that Im the most cool bro in my peer. My christianity was gone and just focusing how should I make a move to other girls, I drink a lot, I got so chill to my self until karma got in my way. This is the real deal, you just can't expect how karma would enter.
Several girls that has been used and taken for granted for the same reason, all because I want to prove that I aint a guy that you could ask for. Hurting their feeling is an unimaginable joy to my self, and I couldn't ask for more. So here it goes how does my karma get inside my life. I kept fallin to girls even though I know that they could only dump me and take me for granted I always gets in trouble most specially in a social media websites. My pride is just high as the cloud nine, and I even get angry easily just to forget my stress. I get dump and basted several times, now I know how it feels to be hurt and being desperate to the people that you really really like. Reality could be an ass most of the time, but who are you to take control of it? You are just a human being, you breath normally, you are living just the same as others, and most specially when you really are getting to annoying to the eyes of the LORD expect a painful come back to the things that you've done and yeah dont forget its also TWICE the pain that you could earn. I kept that in my mind several times and several moments until now. I think I earn my lesson here, love is not just what you see, feel and hear from others but this should be still according from the both of you between you and the LORD. You will never receive it until you can spell and realize its full potential to a person. Remember feeling is just a feeling but LOVE is just another level that you can't really imagine. You can also define it if you realize it.
