lovely (billie eilish)

8

it's been 2 weeks since i last heard from billie. it's been 2 weeks since she broke up with me. it's been 2 weeks since i lost the love of my life.

I've called her everyday, left multiple voicemails and texts. she's completely ignoring me and i don't know what to do. i've even texted finneas a gazillion times and he either leaves me on read or respond with one words that aren't helpful. everyone is telling me I either need to go see her or just forget about her but I don't know if I can do either.

I love her so much that I literally could never forget about her but I can't visit her right now and ruin her tour.

She doesn't want to see me anyways. I don't want to bum her out. Maybe I should just forget about her all together. I mean she's probably already forgotten about me.

I should've just been honest with her from the start about my issues. Maybe she would've left before we got attached or maybe she would've helped me through my issues and we could've had a wonderful thriving relationship. I'll literally never know unless I see and talk to her again.

I need to see her, I need to know that I made the right choice not going with her. I need to know that I was right about her, that she never cared about me and already has like 10 new hoes on her arm. I need to know.

I have to see her.

I need to visit her.

There's no way I can go on without knowing that I was right.

That's it, I've made my decision. I quickly grabbed my laptop off the coffee table and opened it up, searching for her tickets. I need VIP so I can get backstage but almost all of them are sold out. the only show with VIP tickets left is in Barcelona on September 2nd. That's a little over a week from now. perfect.

I purchased my ticket then bought a cheap round trip plane ticket and a cheap hotel room and started packing. I'm so nervous I can't do this. This is actually crazy. Visiting my ex girlfriend all the way across the world to apologize and see if I was right about her? Insane.

I started freaking myself out about this whole situation and decided to call my friends and invite them over for a girls night and mostly to get really drunk and watch shitty Netflix movies.

(I DO NOT CONDONE UNDERAGE DRINKING but yolo)

About an hour later my best friends, Jessica and Britney, were at my house with 5 bottles of wine and snacks.

"Hey bitch, we're here with the alcohol. Now what do you have to tell us?" Britney yelled as she barreled through my front door with her arms full. I laughed as I grabbed the things out of her arms and placed them on the coffee table. "First things first, we need food." Jessica said as she pulled open Postmates.

'What are we in the mood for?" She asked as she scrolled through the large selection of food choices in our area. "Something greasy as fuck. Like the ultimate fast food." I laughed. "McDonald's? Chik-fil-a? Taco bell?" Britney suggested. "Why not all 3?" "Yes bitch. All mother fucking 3!" Jessica laughed

(The last time I mentioned Chik-fil-a in this book, it was a big issue, everyone is entitled to their own opinions on them and while I don't agree with their views on the lgbtq+ community, their food is good. If you don't like it than don't eat it. it's just a fictional story anyways, so it doesn't really matter what the flip I decide to write in that they are eating.)

She quickly ordered a random mix of the 3 restaurant as Britney opened one of the bottles of wine.

about 30 minutes and 3 bottles of wine down, our food was finally here. The doorbell rang and Jessica went to grab it because, naturally, she was the least drunk out of the 3 of us. She grabbed the food and shut the door. "Foods here!!" She yelled even though we were in the same room.

After eating all the food and finishing the wine, she put on a bad Netflix movie and ate our snacks. "I'm gonna grab blankets and pillows real quick." I said as I stumbled around the house

I went to my bathroom to change into my pj's and brush my teeth, I was so fucked up but wanted to be messed up even more. I don't want to feel anything. "Hey! Do you guys want to smoke?" I yelled to the girls in the other room. "Uh... yeah, we're down!" I grabbed the blankets and pillows and all the things we needed to smoke and headed downstairs.

"Hey I have enough for a blunt surprisingly." I said as I took a seat on the couch next to Britney. I rolled a quick blunt and lit it. After we finished the blunt we watched the movie from earlier. Soon after the movie was finished, I noticed Jessica and Britney were dead asleep. I wasn't even slightly tired so I picked up all of our trash from earlier and laid back down on the couch. I decided to text Billie one last time before I see her soon.

bea: I love you, I'm sorry I never told you about my past, that was really stupid of me. My life is a mess without you. I need you. I'm sorry. I love you. Goodnight princess <3 read at 2:55 am

Ever since Billie left, I've been so lost and depressed I cant deal with it. I sleep all day and barely eat. I miss her so much I don't know what to do without her. I can't wait to see her. Hopefully she can forgive me. Hopefully I was wrong about her and she doesn't have 10 hoes already. hopefully she doesn't hate me.

Soon after sending that text, I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, both of my friends were gone and they left a note that said "Hey, we left around 10am, we love you. text us when you wake up xoxo Brit & Jessi." I sent them a quick message letting them know I was awake before getting up and taking a shower.

After getting out of the shower, I got dressed and laid in bed for about an hour. I don't want to do anything. I need to eat though. I opened Postmates and ordered from McDonald's.

After waiting for about 20 minutes, I heard my doorbell. I ran to the door and greeted the delivery man. I thanked him for the food and sat down on my couch. I put on Friends and ate my food.

After I finished eating I decided to take a nap, I laid down on my couch watching Friends and soon drifted off to sleep. I was soon awaken by the sound of my phone ringing.

Finneas?!