dear whoever reads this,
this is my story. it isn't pretty but it's real. and it's mine.
i fell in love. i thought it was the greatest thing to happen to me, and it was. until it all fell apart. i met a guy. he was awesome, funny, and most of all he was sweet. and i was his. and that lasted for a couple months and then things changed. his friends didn't like who i was. they didn't like that i was close with another friend. and then things changed. i started to realize i wasn't good enough.
time went on and i made a new friend. she seemed nice enough. she was struggling tho, so i tried to help, and then i let him help. it went wrong. i started to get jealous. and then i wasnyed to take my life. i wrote my lover a note and he sent to the councilors. that was when i lost everything.
months passed and i reconnected with him, things were great and we got back together. and i started to feel the jealousy again. but i let it pass. i didn't care. i shouldn't have cared. but truthfully i did. finally i couldn't handle it anymore and we split again.
the next months that followed i felt like i lost everything. my friends. my hope. my happiness. and finally my health. i pushes away the one friend to stand by me in hopes of saving him from me. and it worked i guess. at least from what i was told. he's happy. and i'm glad.
but jealousy fucked me over again. i lost another in my jealousy. and i broke my heart again. a friend told me it would be best to stop talking to him but. i miss him already and it hasn't even been an hour. pathetic i know. but i can't help but think of all the things that would have changed with the small choices i made.
what if i switched schools? what if i dropped out? what if i just dated another? what if i changed myself? what if i died? what if i lost everything else?
i have to imagine things wouldn't be like they are. i have to have hope. and i'm trying. i really am.
love isn't anyone's greatest weakness. it's the heart that is.
