counter culture// l.s || bdsm

chapter six

Louis ate his breakfast slowly. He wanted to figure things out with Harry, yet, he knew this conversation would end in rejection. He wasn't desperate for it.

When he finally finished his eggs, Harry had already eaten and done the dishes. "We can sit on the couch and talk."

Louis nodded, and took his plate to Harry before moving to the living room. He heard the sink start, then stop, and Harry finally joined him.

"I would first like to apologize for punishing you yesterday. I know you had no way of knowing, but that piano was my exes, and no one plays it except me. I should've mentioned that. I didn't, and that's on me. After talking with my mother last night, I realized I didn't tell you my rules, so I'm sincerely sorry that you were as uncomfortable as you were yesterday. I was irritable and tired and I promise, no matter how exhausted I am, it won't happen again."

Louis could only nod. He understood, but was still annoyed that Harry hadn't told him before beating him to a pulp. He was shocked Harry had an ex and for a second he felt jealously flame inside him. He made a mental note to ask about it later.

They went through the rules, and Harry wrote them all down for Louis, so he wouldn't forget. Most of them were common like "no touching yourself" and "ask permission before leaving." A few were more specific about Harry's job, which Louis learned after a long conversation about how important Harry's clients were. Harry explained how he had tried to make his own music, and with only little success, he became a songwriter. He stayed behind the scenes, but people knew him and would recognize him in public so it was important that Louis stayed close and didn't wander often.

"Now...I need to understand your...well, your anxiety. You seem so distant, nervous. Why?"

Louis wants to roll his eyes because shouldn't Harry know? He doesn't make this easy. Louis considers pretending it's all in Harry's head. The whole thing. But he knew, in the end, that would fix absolutely nothing.

Harry seemed like he wanted to make some changes. He was listening to Louis, and even extensively explained things so he could understand. Louis wanted him to stay forever but he had to be honest.

"It started when I moved to America. I fell in love with the idea of having a dominant, who cared and cuddled and nurtured me better than I could've imagined. I did lots of research. I prepared for a dominant so obsessively. And then I didn't get a match. I lost the passion to please. I started losing weight, thinking that was the issue, when really you just hadn't filled out an application. We got matched, and I thought you would fix everything. But really, I'm going to be honest here so please don't get angry with me. You make me want to stop being a sub. You make me uncomfortable, and moody. I don't know what's right and what's wrong, and now I do, but 24 hours ago, I was scared and ready to go back home to be with Zayn and Liam."

Harry twisted his hands together, clearly nervous and annoyed. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. If you would like to go home, you may." He stood, and began to leave. Louis grabbed his arm, trying to use his strength to pull him back down.

"Harry, no, please!"

"No, you don't understand Louis. You don't get how much I've been through with submissives. You're not my first, ya know. You're one of two and the other one was so tired of being with me that he up and left without a word, after I made him my world. So If you want to leave, you may do so and I won't fight you on it! I'm done fighting." Harry was angry, but not at Louis and he could tell. He watched Harry's eyes fill with tears before finally he broke.

He crumbled back on to the couch, face in Louis' lap. Louis didn't really know what to do expect run his fingers through Harry's long hair, whispering how they would figure it all out. Louis could only pray it was true.