The secrets we keep(clexa)

3)

Clarke's POV

I was waiting for Lexa to arrive when Bellamy came up to me I could see the concert all over his face

"Hey Princess"
"Hey Bel what wrong"
"Nothing is wrong I'm just worried about you Clarke you haven't been yourself since.."
I cut Bellamy off because I don't want to hear it,
"I know I'm not the same as I was before mount weather."
I started to walk off on Bellamy but he grabbed my hand and spun me around my body cashing into him
"What the hell bel"
I was suddenly nauseous from the abrupt movement.
"I care about you, Talk to me Clarke"
All I was thinking is if I don't get way now, I'm going to be sick in front of everyone and I don't want that because people can't know, about the life growing inside me, so I took a deep breath and tried to swallow the nauseous feeling
"Bel the commander will be here soon we don't have time to talk about feelings"
"Okay Clarke but we still need to talk at some point"
Bellamy look disappointed that he didn't get me to talk about what's going on
"I know bel.."
I was cut of by the guards yelling that they see the commander I turned around to see Lexa and Indra ridding to the gate so yelled to the guards while quickly making my way to the gate,
"they are here to talk, open the gate"
I gate opens and Lexa walks in with Indra at her side
" commander, Indra it's a pleasure to see you again"
I was trying so hard to keep the nauseous feeling at bay, I miss what they said back but luckily, Octavia popped up out of know where offering a Tour of the camp, I think that's what she said, I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything, other than trying not to be sick in front of anyone, I can see Lexa looking at me every now and then, when she thinks I'm not watching, it starts to get to much I know I'm going to be sick. when I none of them where look I snuck off around the corner, as I start throwing up I feel someone hold my hair back, all the while rubbing calming circles on my back, I turned around to see Lexa looking at me with her mesmerising green eye but they hold worry and concern
" what wrong Clarke are you sick"
" no I'm not sick not really"
"Clarke not really ? What does that mean"
"It's nothing really Lexa"
"We should find the others then me and you are going to talk Clarke"
I just nodded my head looking down because if I looked in her eye for one more minute I would brake and tell her what wrong.
we walk deep thought, when we got back we the Tour Lexa quickly put her commander mask on taking control
"Indra I would like to talk to Clarke in private, then we will meet back here, you are free to look around with Octavia if you both like"
Octavia is the first to reply Trying not to smile but failing
"Sha Heda, I would like show Indra some fighting moves, if she wants to?"
"Heda I will be glad to A company Octavia"
I watch Indra and Octavia walk start to walk way, then Lexa still in commander mode, turns and look me dead in the eyes before speaking.
"is there somewhere private we can talk?"
" sure follow me"
"Lead the way Clarke "
I couldn't comprehend what was happened before I knew it I was opening the door to my room, I walked in holding the door for Lexa, I turned to her before closing the door, only to ask if it's okay to lock I door.
" you don't mind if I lock the door?"
Lexa just nodded like she eager for me to close the door, so I do then turn back to face Lexa, who is standing a lot closer than before, she closes her eyes and inhales deep
"Clarke I'm sorry for leaving you a mount weather"
when she opened her eyes I could see the tears in her building up in her eyes, I took a leap of faith and pulled Lexa into a hug whispering to her
"I forgave you long ago"
She let go of me and looked for any sign that I lied before asking me all the questions I was dreading
" how can you forgive me for abandoning you?, How did you free your people?, how did you defeat the mount?, did they do something to you is that why your sick?"
I take I deep breath and turning around, so I don't have to see the look on her face, when I answer and so she doesn't see mine, I can't already feel the tears falling down my face
"I can forgive you for leaving because you did what you had to do to save your people, just like I did when I killed one"
I couldn't stop crying Lexa must of noticed because she spun me around and hug me
"It's not your fault you can blame yourself for all their deaths"
When she said that I broke down crying
"But what if I killed them all on my own, what if I killed the innocent men, women and children, I'm a monster A MONSTER"
"Clarke what do you mean you killed them all how"
"Something thing you said to me about finding someone weaknesses and using it against them, I found there's they couldn't breathe the air on the ground, so pulled the lever, that opened all the doors and vents killing everyone"
"You did what you had to do for your people Clarke, you did what any leader would do to save there people"
"I'm so lost I don't know what to do I feel numb, i just want it all to stop"
I didn't realise that I pulled my sleeves up at some point during the conversation, until lexa pulled my arms
"What happened Clarke did I mount men do this"
"No no no lexa the mount men didn't do it, it's nothing just a scratch"
I try to pulled My sleeves down but Lexa stops me
" Clarke these are not nothing and they are not scratch's, these where made with a dagger what happen"
I couldn't think Lexa was lightly running her fingers crossed my cuts. It just slipped out
"I did it"
When I realise what I said i pulled my hands away, so i could turn around so I didn't have to see the look on her face."
"Why Clarke why would you do that?"
"I killed him what are they going to think of me"
"Who is him Clarke?, who is they?"
I couldn't hold on to it anymore I needed to tell someone
"Please don't leave me after you find out"
"I don't plan on ever leaving you Clarke just talk to me"
"I'm pregnant"
It's good to get that off my chest I look to see Lexa looking at me lost.
"Pregnant"

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