South Park [One Shots]

fireworks

They say your first kiss is supposed to be magical. It's supposed to make your heart all goopy, and there's supposed to be fireworks that go off in your brain. It's supposed to be a romantic moment between you and whoever you kissed. My first kiss was not like that. There were so fireworks, there was no romantic moment, and rest assured that my heart did not, in fact, turn to goop.

They also say that kisses with the one you love are special. That it'd make you smile like a total moron. Your heart will do back flips every single time and you'll never ever wanna kiss anyone else ever again.

It's not like I believed my heart would do that shit anyways. I'm a vampire. Lord knows that vampires don't have hearts and shit anyways. Well, I'm not a real vampire, and according to Twilight vampires can totally fall in love, and Twilight is pretty much my bible, but still. Edward Cullen didn't talk about having fireworks going off in his head after kissing Bella, so it wasn't expected.

My name is Larry, and my first kiss was not like the stereotype. I think it was more of an accident, than anything, in full honesty. We were kids. I was in fourth grade, and he was in fifth grade. It was scary to have my first kiss be from another guy. He was definitely no Bella Swan, but he was just as special. He'd always been my role model. I don't know what it was, he was only a grade older than I was and it's not like he was a particularly good student.

He was the first kid in all of South Park to call himself a vampire. I can recall it like it was just yesterday. It was a few days after the very first Twilight film came out. I know, I know. One could scold us for watching the films rather than reading the books, but we were in grade school. We could hardly multiply by nines, let alone read a novel that had over 100 pages. After him, it didn't take long for kids to start following the trend. I take pride in being the third vampire in my school. Second was Katie Gelson, or as she preferred, Bloodrayne. She doesn't use that anymore because she says us vamp kids are faggy.

I'd always been sort of close with him, even I'm not too sure why. We'd always been sort of misfits at our school. South Park was a very close minded. If you weren't like everyone else, you probably weren't welcomed. We had one black kid at our school until like, fourth grade, when a black girl came. So two black kids and a Mexican. There were hardly even cliques. It was the majority, the goths, and one day, the vamps. It was awesome. I was actually popular, in a sense. I was in high ranks with the leader, per se, of our group, so I was second in command. People knew my name. I was cool. Well, as cool as a fourth grader who was pretending he was a vampire could be, at least.

I remember our first kiss. There were no fireworks, and my heart didn't turn to mush. I always do my makeup the exact same way. Black tear-like streaks of eyeliner. I don't know where I got the idea that vampires do that, but I guess once I searched vampire makeup and that came up, so that was my brand from then on. One day, I fell off the monkey bars at school and landed real weird on my left hand, which is my dominant. I could remember I was super upset because I couldn't do my weird eyeliner thing. My mom certainly wouldn't do it for me because she always said it looked idiotic and I shouldn't be pretending I was a faggy vampire.

He didn't like to see me upset, so, he did it for me. We always hung out before school. Our parents were oblivious fucks so they always dropped us off about half an hour early. We never minded though, we always just sat on the play structure and talked. Sometimes about Twilight, other times about life in general. That day, however, he brought his extra bottle of liquid eyeliner; a new thing for me, I'd never tried it before, I don't suggest it; and we sat quietly on the top of the monkey bars. He drew lines with such precision. It was captivating, really. I didn't know fifth graders could have an attention span longer than twenty seconds, so seeing him draw each tear drop with a look of such focus was honestly a bit surprising. There was one point when he was working on my right eye. He poked his tongue out in concentration as he worked on a curve. Right there was when I fell in love. Gay, I know. I also know how improbable it is for a 9 year old to fall in love with someone, but I really think I did. It was more romantic than Bella and Edward, even though I didn't think it was possible.

Apparently, I'd been staring for a lot longer than I'd meant to. Before I even knew it, a pair of extremely chapped lips were touching my own and I snapped back into reality. Right before I even had time to think it about what was happening, they were pulled away. Obviously, it wasn't very intense. We were kids. I don't even think he knew what he was doing. There were no fireworks. My heart was still solid, or as solid as a heart is. I don't really remember what happened after that. What I do know, however, is that my first kiss with Mike, or Vladmir, rather, was the most amazing thing I've ever encountered. We've kissed plenty of times since then. It's been six or seven years since then, but none of our kisses will ever be as special.

There were no fireworks, no hearts turning to mush, and nothing cliché like in the movies, but it was special. It was meaningful. It was better than Twilight.