Someone would say that my job as a nurse is easy but it's not. There's so much you have to do and be prepared for in any time possible. The typical duties are that you should plan nursing care requirements, monitor and administer medication and IV infusions. Take patient samples, pulses, blood pressures and temperatures. Write them down on their records. Observe behaviours and the patients image during the day. If you see something suspicious you should talk to the doctors,take their advice or order and write the observation by detail on their records. Provide emotional support to the patient and their relatives is a must. Sometimes you should teach student nurses.
It's a job that has a lot and requires. Except that you should clean the carts you use, give clean clothes and bath the patients. Give them food. Make their beds. Talk to the doctors and of course to their relatives. Take good care of the possible injuries and change their bandages if it's needed. Last but not least, do the pharmacy or the storage room which takes a long time.
Generally it's a job that requires will, love and respect towards the patient, acceptance. Patience(since there's the burn out syndrome as well*)is the key of this job as well as cooperation and more in order to do the job correctly. And of course you should be educated regularly since it's science and science now a days evolves everyday.
Even if I had so much to do I was happy today for an unknown reason. Maybe it was because I got my blood test results back and I found out that I am healthy and my anxiety is not that high anymore. Maybe because I just understood somehow that I was good during my job. Maybe because I felt worthy and didn't really compare myself with others today. Maybe because I was prodactuve and didn't let anyone to ruin that. I made questions,I followed the orders and helped anywhere I could without feeling like someone else makes better work than me.
There was only just a moment I felt that. I did compare myself again but even if I did I didn't feel the need to overanalyze it. The only thing I overanalyze is what people might think but then again I was prodactuve. I did my job that usual I feel so weak,scared or to describe it better, lower than the others. My friends and colleagues were somehow amazed and suprised that I wanted to do so many things.
Usually I always want to but lately I just feel so down. It's a constant negative feeling that eats me alive. That probably is either my anxiety or depression or both. My never ending battle with myself and the world around me. The bad and the good. My parents and my friends. My school and just everyone. I'm so pressed lately to be in a routine and do the same things over and over again without a single change. I can't put a different colour inside my life. It's either black or white. Maybe sometimes it's grey too.
When I finished working I said goodbye to everyone. First, to my friend that was her last day with us. We took a bunch of selfies together and I got dressed. My all-black-everything outfit broke with paige details from my shoes and my fur vintage jacket.
The smell of the hospital was replaced with a smell of flowers and vanilla that I sprayed all over my body. I took the exist to the tiny forest ahead of me so I can go to the metro station and go back home. The weather was rainy and cold. The wind was strong to the point that I couldn't really see where were I was stepping. The clouds were in shades of grey. Some light and some dark. They covered the sky that was originally baby blue. It looked like a typical autumn day only that it was the end of March.
On my way to the metro station I held my hair up like a ponytail. I bought an ice tea and chocolate cookies with cashew nuts. The train was already here so I found an empty seat and sat there. My eyes close slowly even if there's so much noise around. People talking, the train that fastened in every stations, the announcement of each station name.
It was finally the station I had to stop to and switch trains. I had around 10 more stations. In total 20 to go to my home. Home sweet home. Lucky me I found again a seat and took the chance. My eyes kept being heavy and my body just wanted to lay down. The pain on my back was unbearable.
Across me was sitting a boy. A boy with a military haircut,tall,with big headphones on listening to hip hop. He was around my age. He was wearing an athletic oversized outfit. He had a tiny face with a sharp jawline. Two piercings on each ear that were gold. His nose wasn't perfect. It seemed like he had fallen somewhere before and broke it. Typical for a child full of curiosity.
His lips were pink ish from the cold weather. Thin and beautiful. His skin was clean and shiny. But then I noticed his eyes. He's almond shaped eyes were kinda big but cute in colour of brown-green. A unique combination if you ask me. During the destination we looked at each other without saying a word. Sometimes I would fall asleep. Other times I would open my eyes and see him falling asleep.
He seemed tired. The white of his eyes were red,almost teary. Music probably calmed him down. The train arrived to my destination. Confused while I was half asleep I stood up and missed my step. I hold the column in front of me to not fall down and then get out. I had no idea that we were getting off to the same station. I just thought that he just followed his own destination and disappeared from my sight.
The gates were closed so I got my ticket off my bag. The first one was canceled since it was a random ticket from two days ago that I forgot inside the small pocket. Searching I found today's double trip destination ticket. Which for a whatever reason was canceled again. I had no way to get out of the gates. Not when a policeman was behind me and could check me anytime.
I was going to leave when someone could open the gates and followed a lady but suddenly the boy stood in front of me. He waved with his card with the multiple tickets and said "Come with me."
He let the space in front of him empty so I went there. He was right behind me when I was about to move forward absent-minded. I felt his hands on my shoulders. Slowly moving me back.
"No,no stay back." He said while he was still behind me. The door opened.
"Thank you."I said with a big smile on my face.
Should I talk to him? He's interesting.
And this question was repeating in my head like two players that played pingpong since I saw him. And now I had the chance. I could talk to him. I could say more than just a 'thank you'which probably shows nothing more that politeness. Maybe his move was also out of kindness. But he was interesting. He wasn't the prettiest guy but the way I felt his hands on my shoulders out of the blue as he did that to someone that he knew forever was...cute.
I could feel all the butterflies in my stomach since that was the first time that something like that happened to me. I mean other people as well opened the gate for me when the tickets wouldn't work but that?...that was something new. He didn't just poke me so I could turn around. He just held me from my arms and moved me back.
And he waited for me while there were so many people waiting to leave this small suffocating place and go to their home or job. When we finally got out he just smiled to me and went from the same exit as I did. I could...i could literally turn around not to just look at him. But somehow talk to him but my shy self didn't let me and unfortunately I lost my chance.
I only left with the feeling of cuteness and with a big smile on my face and even if I didn't get to know his name I was 100 times happier than before.
Simple moments. Little moments that can make you happy in times you thought that you couldn't. Simple acts of kindness and simple feelings that make your day way better than before.
That's life. Moments.
