My Life, My World, My Truth

Me.

Dear Reader,

The names I use are not the true names of those in my life. This is to keep it anonymous on both my end and theirs.

You don’t know my name, but you can call me Athena. This is not an attempt to make myself out to be greater than I am. I know where I stand in the food chain, so to speak. This is just the name of my favourite mythological figure. She has strength. She has courage. She has wisdom. These are all the things I want to be in life, but can never seem to reach.

I’m quiet, shy, not very outgoing, most of the time I have no idea what to say and always think I’ve said the wrong thing and hate myself for it later, but more importantly I’m completely clueless when it comes to other people. I love my family and I love my friends, but I never know how to express my own feelings around them.

My two best friends, who you can call Georgie and Sarah, don’t even know the half of what has happened in my life during the last four years. I honestly don’t even know if they know my parents split three years ago. My mum invited them to a dinner with me and her boyfriend, who you can call Tom, a few months back, but I don’t know if they knew who he was and just didn’t say anything knowing I didn’t want to talk about it or if they just thought he was a close family friend.

Another close friend of mine, you can call her Marry, knows my parents are split, my mum’s alcohol problem and the lazy nature of mum’s new boyfriend, Tom, and that we had a few money problems but that’s it and what I told her was the sugar coated version. I don’t really talk to Marry anymore, anyway.

I have always been able to spot a lie. I’m completely clueless when it comes to people as in I don’t know if they like me or not, but I can tell if their lying.

I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’m 18 and a half at the moment and I did go out with this guy twice which I will tell you about later, but I certainly wouldn’t call him my boyfriend. I have no idea when a guy likes me. None. I always think they don’t because of my severe lack in confidence.

I’m not the partying type. I do have friends, close friends. Some of them are like me and others are social butterflies who love a good party. I can’t be social in big groups. I can keep a conversation going and crack a few jokes if I’m talking to someone one on one or in a small group, but never in a large one.

I’m not over weight, I know that, but I do hate my body. I’m not supper model thin and I’m not tone. Basically I’m a pear. Everything always goes to the ass and thighs despite my thin waste. This is what I hate. If I was even all over I probably would mind, but I’m really not. Have I tried losing this weight? Yes. I’m not lazy. I used to swim 8 times a week and do two dry land sessions. I can swim for hours and walk forever. I don’t run because of an injury, but I’m not unfit. I don’t eat overly unhealthily, I just can’t seem to lose weight.

I have a mild case of dyslexia which is mostly because I needed glasses that I got when I was 10, but being a kid I never wore them until I got a new pair in my senior year and no I’m not self-conscious about them, they’re just a pain because I can’t wear them when walking around. I was diagnosed when I was very young and even though I was above average in class (except for one, but I found that particular class so boring I could cry) my mum is always completely dumbfounded when I finish reading a book or get an A. She says what any proud parent would say, but her tone and expression say she is truly stunned and that has always gotten to me.

So that’s a little about me on the negative side, but I don’t have depression so I will tell you a few other things.

I have two best friends and four other close friends who I talk to all the time. Then I have one friend who I do occasionally talk to, there’s no bad blood we just drifted apart during senior year, but we used to be inseparable – she probably knows the most about my life. And then a few other people who I’m friendly with whenever I’m around them. I don’t have a huge social circle and I like it that way. My friends are a huge part of my life, they may not know everything, but when I want to get away from family drama they’re there. They won’t ask me things like, “How are things at home,” and “Are you okay.” (I can’t describe how much I hate that question), because they don’t know to ask, so it does work out.

I’m loyal, I never tell a secret, but I will admit to loving knowing them. Not for any particular reason other than I’m an exceptionally curious person.

I’m very quiet, which I lot of people have called me up on and I do get self-conscious about it, but I also love being quiet. You learn a lot about the nature of people when you’re silent.

I LOVE television shows and movies. They’re a form of escape. Same with books. You can get lost in this world that isn’t your own for hours and get so engrossed in it that everything else seems to fade away.

I was a swimmer. I used to love it and win a lot of races for both school and club events and will admit to being very competitive, but when the events started taking up every weekend in summer and the training sessions were before and after school it got too much and I started hating it. I eventually stopped and took up coaching for a while and I could finally focus on school and relationships with family and friends. I no longer coach because I found it very boring (you can only walk up and down the length of a pool for so long) but I do the occasional lap. It helps me think and clear my head.

I love drawing. Some things I’ve done are so bad it makes me laugh while others are actually quite decent. You never know if the work I start will be good or bad, but I am proud of those that turn out.

Horrible cook. I could probably set spaghetti on fire, but I love food. Doesn’t everyone?

I used to ride horses. My dad taught me, but then we both got busy and I haven’t done it for a while even though I would love to get back into it. Which also bring me to animals. There are only two types of animals I don’t like and they are snakes and spiders, neither of which I’m afraid of I just don’t like them. The two animals I am afraid of, but don’t hate are jellyfish and frogs. Don’t ask me why, I’m a strange person.

I’ve always had a cat, a dog and a horse as a pet for as long as I can remember and they are part of my family.

So that’s a little about me. The rest will be stories, anecdotes if you will. Good and bad.

Names:

Mother: Emma

Father: Rob

Best Friends: Georgie and Sarah

Other Friends: Marry, Bella, Jane, Julie, Anna

Mum’s Boyfriend: Tom