One day your in love, with all the glory of the heavens above. Her smile better then any goddess, her lifestyle quite modest . My doubts rip into me, like a raging sea, always thinking, how can this be? Her and me? Never wanting heavens light, always preferred the night, but I couldn't help how she made me feel, right. My war within myself fought all urges, to be anything but myself. But at night after we spoke, it was her heart, that gave mines a poke.Soon it became a hold, but I said no, I wanted to be cold. But she won, my love for her had begun. "No no please no" I begged to my heart, I didn't want to take a risk of another, breaking my heart, for when that happened, I almost fell apart.The more we talked the more I knew, that this girl was something beyond good, so new. The love I had, had now became so deep, even though she was with another, so I knew she wasn't mine to keep. But even then, with everything I felt, speaking to her would make my heart melt. So far away, not only her but the dream, it drove me crazy , that I could scream. So I made peace that she would never be truly mine, it made me sad but I knew I had to act, as if it were fine. Her stories of her boyfriend, made me see that the relationship, was at it's end. Even with her newborn, I felt how it was, how it was torn.When she finally broke away, my heart wanted her to swing my way. I wanted to make her feel better, and tell her "My love, we can be together" But she beat me to it, for when she said those words to me, I said, "I knew it " Our love finally able to flow free between us, our level equal to our lust. My world that was black and white, finally had color, finally seen light.The fire between us two increased, all the doubts and sorrows were deceased .We were finally gonna meet, all other negative feelings were down and beat. Finally, when she was in my arms, there was no second guessing, my brain didn't set off any alarms. Our nights between the sheets, were better then any night roaming the streets.Her son that I watched grow, I could now see first hand, playing in the snow. With his mother, I watched thinking "God I love her" I was home, no longer alone.We spoke of getting married by the beach, the moon, in our reach. Spoke of our own little one, god that would of been fun. But as the time passed, something in her moved on fast. Though she loved taking care of me, it was like a job, like cleaning leafs from a tree. A deep sadness hit her like a storm, making her feel as if she wasn't part of the norm. She tried to pull through, I wish I known, but I had no clue. I wanted to do anything to make her happy, even the times when she seem snappy. I never fully knew what was in her mind, I hate myself for being so blind. Sometimes she spoke, and I tried to listen, but the real message, is what I was missing. One night after a fight, she was upset, but I knew something wasn't right. I seen her pain, I knew it would drive her insane, but I couldn't make her feel any blame. I wanted her to face her fears,while taking her tears. I tried to save her heart like she did for me, because her this sad, was never suppose to be. We still had great days singing our song, happy in love, where we belong. I gave her a ring, she treated me like her king, our special little world, that was our thing.Even with all of that, something eat at her like a giant rat. Our last night under the covers, together as lovers, she stayed up afraid to sleep, her sorrow already took its leap. She knew the next day, that I had to go away. I seen the sadness in her eyes, I wondered how could we say our goodbyes. Our last day together, I seen her writing a letter, I often wonder if she knew, that it was the end of our forever. In the cab, I told myself "Shes the best I ever had" all while maning up, trying not to be sad. Held back my tears, along with my fears.Once on the plane, I sat there knowing, I'll never be the same. My heart where we lived, is where it will remain. Once back in New York, I wanted to ram my neck with a fork. Hate came over my soul, losing her was already taking its toll. Then when we spoke again, I felt her love less then even a friend. I knew, she was gone, it was all to familiar, the same old song. My immortal, seem to had fallen into an unknown portal. I tried to get her back, but it came off more as an attack, I needed her, I needed her back. But when it was all said and done, I felt that I was no longer, number one. I almost died, I often cried, all because I felt as if it were all a lie. Last thing she said was to not give up hope, but I cant help feeling like I'm swinging by my neck, on a rope. My heart will always wait, though my brain tells me its to late. Once again I find myself picking up the peaces to my heart, once again, torn apart. For if I made her feel the most love, why didn't it manage to win against all above? I'll always miss it, along with all the emotions she lit. Even now I hope she doesn't get hurt, or feel her heart driven into the dirt. My snowflake, even now our memories keep me awake.But it's something I have to block, even though your the only person, that can make it unlock. I can't even lie, maybe this is goodbye.My brain says "Might as well, so goodbye and farewell" But my heart screams " My love don't go,only together we can truly grow" I can't fight this war myself again, even if it is for my very best friend. One day she might see me, but till then, I'll be the best I can be. She is forever my love, my life, till the end of time, my goddess wife.
