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Why does emptiness hurt so bad? Why can't I be happy?

I have help, I have so much but I still feel horrible as a person. I feel dead inside. But why?

I don't understand my feelings in my relationship anymore. Like do I even love him anymore or am I telling myself that lie so I can feel loved? I feel so conflicted. I want to leave America and go to Korea and become a singer. But everyone at home are holding back without realizing they are. They don't know that their the reason I haven't done anything sooner to be a kpop idol. I don't want to leave them. But at the same time this boring life I live makes me feel empty inside as a person.

I don't understand...