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Katara chest tightened. She wasn't supposed to feel this way. Wasn't a girl supposed to be numb with love when being kissed? Wasn't she supposed to wrap her arms around him and pull him in? Yes, she realized with a start, lifting her arms stiffly and encircling the younger boy. He didn't notice the falseness or the hesitant in her, thank goodness. She didn't want to hurt him.
But wasn't lying to him a form of hurt. Well, she wasn't lying to him all the time, she reasoned. Now she just needed time to break it to him, and figure out who could help him ease the pain. She sighed inwardly, wishing her love was as easy as Mai's or Suki's. They knew exactly who they love, who they wanted. But even their love had difference. Suki was way more possesive than Mai.
When she first saw him, it was clear all she felt for him was one towards a little brother, and some times she wish she was always just as clear as when she first met him. She never felt anything but occasional lust and a need to kiss him, a want to hold a boy who wasn't just her brother. She knew right from the beginning that there wasn't love, not even infatuation. It was just puberty.
Then when she saw Jet, something in her spark (she wasn't going to deny it). He seemed like those cool boyfriends she heard story of from her tribe. They always talked about how fun a bad boy always was. Jet was the best description of a bad boy. This was probably the spark that lit up in her. Just like most girls, she fell for the bad boy. She did hated that she felt that way but she knew she did.
After the incident with Jet, she swore that she'd never act like that again. She wasn't going to love a bad boy just because they were adventurous, fun and brave. Yes, they were fun but they were adventurous in the wrong way and brave? They weren't brave. They were just stupid not to worry about somethings which they should worry about. No bad boy would make her giggle again.
Haru came along and he was the complete opposite of Jet, he was the nice kind boy who had a sad childhood with his father gone, just like her mother was. He was the kind of boy that any sensible girl would pick anyday, knowing that he'd treat them well. If Katara was sensible, she would choose him. But she wasn't that sensible. She really did fall him for at first, but she later realized she looked up to him as a older brother.
After that, for a while, she hadn't really loved anyone, except more lust towards Aang which was hard to avoid considering the fact that he was the only boy who was not her brother and was constantly there by her side. And he liked her. It was difficult not to be tempted to do be a little more than just friends but Katara knew she didn't love him.
Yet when she saw Aang, dancing with On Ji, she felt this spark in her. This annoyed, angry spark which seemed to wash out all the good nice word she tried to put for everybody. She couldn't find herself liking or even accepting On Ji. This made her "realize" she "loved" Aang. When Aang asked her to dance, she walked over without a hesitation and she could almost feel the smirk rising when she saw On Ji's expression as Aang held her.
That was what led to the little kisses they have she never objected. But when Zuko joined the Gaang, the wanting, the lust towards Aang was completely gone. Zuko was so much more mature, so much more understanding than Aang could ever be she could not imagine how anyone can compare the two.
But as she watched how Zuko and Mai kissed, Suki and Sokka made little celebration and even Toph got hugged but the little Duke, the burning desire grew in her, drawing out the bad side of her, the possessive and lustful side of her that lead to the kiss with Aang. She would've initiated it if he hadn't kissed her because this was one guy she knew loved her more than any of those other guys. She had every rights on him.
Two years have passed and Katara was already sixteen. She couldn't believe that it took her so long to realize that she never loved Aang. She was just like a stupid teenage girl who wanted every guys attention, didn't like it when other girls got guys-that-were-supposed-to-like-her attention. She just couldn't stand it because now she knew what was her fatal flaw. She was jealous, possessive even and she had to learn to stop herself.
The realization hit her hard and she gasped, pushing away for air. For one second, Aang thought she was simply out of breath because she could not hold air in as long as him with him being an airbender an all. "I'm sorry, Katara!" Aang apologised profusely. "I'll count the time next time. I'll take note. I'll..."
Katara took a deep breath. "That's not it, Aang," she tried to make her voice as soothing as possible but she knew it was impossible. There was not way to lessen the impact of these words. "I never loved you. It was lust. I'm sorry Aang, but... you deserve better." Katara could not bring herself to go on and she turned away, walking away from an Aang she didn't need Toph's feet to know was broken, hurt.
