You're more than that...

„You are more than that, Jemma“ those weren’t his last words. But it were those words, whose were pooping in my head every time I breathed. How could he do something like that? How could he be so brave to give up his own life? I know that May or Coulson were always talking about it. That they would give up everything for us. But he never did. He never spoke a word about it. And still, here I am, sitting next to a white hospital bed, squeezing his hand, admiring what love he has to feel. It’s now, when I remember how blind I was. How could I think about him like just best friend? How could I be so blind to not see anything he’d for me, for the woman he loved. But am I still the same? Am I still the ambitious young biologist with a kind smile and strongly warming voice as he used to say. Because no one saw my smile in weeks. No one saw the spark in my eyes getting excited about something. All they saw were two bodies lying next to each other, searching for the second. The only time I walked out of his room was when I was that hungry that I almost felt in coma. That was also the only moment when I laid my head next to his arm. I had to look awfully. Will he like this new Jemma? Will he even remember the old one? I know that it’s common that people in coma forget about their lives. About everyone in it. Maybe it’ll be better if he forgets. I am only causing him problems. He is almost dead because of me. Because he loves me so much that he gave up his chance to live. Because he thought that it will save me. But how can I return that kind of love back. He loves me more than himself, but I don’t deserve him. Because if I’d love his as same as he loves me, we wouldn’t be in this situation. We would be somewhere, maybe together. But we would both die with the thought about love. And that’s the bravest type of sacrifice. You can sacrifice yourself to someone completely unknown, but it wouldn’t be that much as sacrifice for the loved one. And Fitz, my best friend and probably the person whom care about me the most, just let me here alone. I know that it’s selfish, but that’s all I know. I want him back more than anything. I want to hear his sweet accent again; I want to feel something different that his cold hand in mine. If I squeeze him, I want him to squeeze me back. I want him to look in my eyes and say those words over and over again. And I want to really believe him; I want to feel the same as he does.

„Why did you left me here alone?“ whispered I and looked on his face. He was peacefully sleeping and I couldn’t do a thing about it. I couldn’t punch him to wake up. I was worthless. I even couldn’t find out the ingredients of Skye’s and Coulson’s cure to help him. I failed. I failed in my profession, I failed Coulson, I failed SHIELD, but the worst thing was that I failed him. I failed guy without whom I couldn’t imagine my life without. You know when they ask you about your future? It doesn’t matter when they ask you. Normal people would say “I imagine myself in a big fancy house with my loving husband and two amazing kids” but not me. From the time when I was little, I always said that I imagine myself in a big fancy lab with a big team of perfect scientists. But if you’d ask me four years ago, I would answer „I am going to be in lab. And no matter if it will be big, fancy or small as box, there will be Leopold Fitz standing next to me.“ I never thought about that. If he was just my best friend in the world, would I want him to be next to me when our peers will have kids running around the house? No, Jemma. Sky once told me what love was about. She told me that you can’t choose whom you love. That you just can’t stop to love the one person. And that no matter what they do, you will always look after them. That you would give up your life for them.

„I love you, Fitz,“ whispered I and kissed him. I kissed him as many times that I couldn’t count. But this kiss was different. This was the first time I kissed him on his lips. The first time my stomach exploded because of the butterflies in there. They were always there, yes, but it was just as they woke today. I looked in a small mirror and saw something new on my face. Well, not really new. I saw the smile again.

„Jemma?“ He squeezed my hand. 

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So... my first FitzSimmons fanfiction... What do you think abou it? Because I wanna know if you liked that... or even if you didn't, just say it to me... you probably don't know how much does that means for a writer... but I am always waiting for a reaction... any kind of it. And whenever my phone turns up, I am hoping that it's Wattpad, that any of you commented... so please please help me.