roger

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it's 4am. I cannot sleep, every little thought will take over my whole body if I try to.  I'll tell you why.

brian fucking may.

my best friend since childhood, addicted to space or whatever astrobiology i don't know. he had long curls that went down to his shoulders that were carefully taken care of, he also had these beautiful eyes but that's not the point.he always was pretty lonely to be honest and I don't understand why because he had the most striking face.I always had lots of girlfriends to take my brain off one thing, him.I knew I was quite attractive but I did not believe it when people said it to me, I still don't, I have stupid blonde hair and blue eyes, I even look female , most people mistake me for a girl, it's bloody annoying. I only did all of this to hide my bisexuality , I was more attracted to men though, I couldn't tell anybody. I joined a band with Brian and everything was fine until bloody Tim decided to leave our band. I was about to leave, things weren't going great until freddie showed up. He was a sweet guy , always thought he was absolutely fabulous. Our bassist John was sweet as well, wasn't the talkative type, he wouldn't turn his bass down though, he refused to do that. it got quite annoying, when I was drumming Brian's eyes were always locked on me, I just wanted to go up to him and clap infront of his face like 'wakey wakey'. I tried to ignore him for a while, to get it out of my mind. Him and fred went out a lot, I don't know why I worried about that. I got a girlfriend, Dominique, I really loved her, she had such a beautiful personality. that was my longest lasting relationship, a year. 

then we broke up, it broke me, I couldn't handle being alone again, it was strange , I became unwell from worry. I decided to sort things out and that's where everything went downhill.I was obviously drunk and complimenting Brian, fiddling with his hair until I kissed him.

I used him. 

I fucking used him because I was lonely, he was so innocent and sweet. he didn't deserve that,  I remember tracing my fingers over the bruises on my neck .I was so stupid, I kept on crying and broke him. 

that's where it ended, him dying,  all my fault, I can't get over it to this day, his funeral was today. I stood there, my umbrella hung over my head, I looked over and saw John holding onto Fred and crying into his shoulder. I couldn't feel anything. I just hated myself so much and i needed it to stop.  as soon as it ended and everyone left, I sat next to his grave and wrote I love you into the gravel, I fiddled with my hair before grabbing a shard of glass and piercing it into my wrist. the end. now i could be alone, just as he was when i left him.


*a/n i didn't write this chapter, my friend did.  so thanks, because this story wouldn't work without this chapter. and yes, there's only two parts. they are yin and yang. anything more wouldn't work. i hope you enjoyed this thing, because i actually love it and the part that she wrote makes my eyes sweat all the time.*





always & forever // maylorWhere stories live. Discover now