my road

i came here when i was in the sixth grade. i barely remember what life was like before then. i have little memory of what life was like before sakura gakuin.

i remember my first video with sakura gakuin, and my last with all of the members. i remember how rinon comforted me before the shoot for mathematica, when i was so nervous i could barely breathe. i remember ooga saki holding my hand when i got lost between the bus and the beach when we shot kirameki no kakera. i remember mirena cracking jokes when i got so frustrated that i kept messing up the dance. i remember crying in the corner of the gym set as i watched momoko film her final music video scene with sakura gakuin, and kano resting her head on my shoulder as she slept next to me. i chasing yume around the fairy tale house because she got so bored as they were changing sets. i remember breaking down as the directors yelled cut for the final time after we finished carry on, realizing that i would never shoot with sakura gakuin again.

but nothing could prepare me for this.

i knew that at some point, i would leave the graduation ceremony for the last time. but as i look around the empty dressing room, the empty backstage area, and the crew demolishing the set behind me as i break down on the stage an hour after everyone else has gone, it doesn't feel real.

eventually, the crew leaves for the night and my phone's alarm rings. it's already midnight. my first day not being a sakura girl. today is my last day in uniform. i'll never wear my grey blazer again, never wear the sweater and the tie and the skirt, the socks with the sakura emblem on them. just when i thought that i had control of my tears, i break down again.

it's not long before i hear several sets of footsteps approach me from behind. i turn my head to see the graduates approach- ayami, ayaka, airi, mariri, suzuka, nene, marina, yunano, hana, moa and yui (together, as always), rinon, saki, c-chan, mirena, sara, aiko, and megumi. i wasn't even in the group with most of them, but they all feel like my family. nene offers me her hand and she helps me stand.

"so, how does it feel to be a graduate?" rinon asks me.

"it doesn't feel real," i respond, unable to phrase it in any other way.  yui walks over to me and places her hand on my shoulder.

"don't be afraid. we're here with you no matter what." she smiles at me as my tears slow to a stop. after a moment, megumi sighs.

"are you ready to go?" i take in a breath and look at those who came before me. rinon, sara, and aiko, my presidents. mirena, my guiding presence and the mother of kyg. yui, su, and moa, the three biggest success stories in amuse history. ayami, the original burriko queen, marina, who was basically marin 1.0, and nene, mirena 1.0. ayaka and airi, the first career models from the group. and megumi, the girl who comforted me after yuzumi was appointed president.  i meet their eyes for a moment before i nod.

"im ready."
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after i return home from the photo book event, i stare at myself in the mirror as the words of 2012 echo in my ears. "this really is the last time that i'll see myself in this uniform, isn't it?" i say to myself softly as tears well in my eyes. i'm already listed as a graduate on the website. i guess a part of me thought that i wouldn't end up having to leave, that id wake up to find that this was all a bad dream. i guess not. this is real.

after i change, i pick up my phone. there's no use in pretending this doesn't exist. i may as well do it.
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welcome to twitter, @asoumaaya2003

i'm not a sakura girl anymore. i may as well stop living like one.  i have to keep walking down my road, because if im not going forward, where am i going?

A/N: no she doesn't have Twitter yet