"Haaaaappyyy, birrrrfday, tooo youuuu, cha, cha, cha," I sang while bringing him his breakfast in bed tray of sausage, bacon, grits, and eggs.
I had a candle burning on the pancake but was walking slowly to make sure the orange juice didn't spill. He was shaking his head with a smirk on his face as I continued signing to him.
When I sat the tray down, I pulled out a noisemaker with blue and red ribbons. We both laughed together after I had blown the annoying thing a few times.
"Happy birthday, Mr. Shawn Carter."
"Didn't I tell you not to do anything special for me?" he grinned.
"Don't you tell me what I can do for MY man on his birthday," I said, before grabbing a piece of his bacon and snapping it under my teeth.
We ate off his plate together, went on a morning walk together, and were back in bed, cuddling before 9am. He tried to hide it, but I saw when he went into his bag and pulled out the meds that he was taking daily. He always seemed shy about me seeing him taking his meds. Just one more thing for us to overcome, I thought to myself.
He had told me several times in the weeks leading up to Dec 4, that he didn't want to do anything special. He said that just being with me would be the perfect birthday, but I was restless after lounging around the house all day with him. I wanted to pamper him. I wanted to make him feel special. I wanted this to finally be the right moment for him to give me what I'd been wanting since the end of the summer.
The breakfast in bed was only the first part of his pampering. With Shan over at my moms, we had my house all to ourselves. I gave him a full body massage in the living room. I fed him fruit. We had a picnic in my backyard for lunch. I even sang to him with my guitar. It was setting up for a most memorable night of passionate lovemaking, as far as I was concerned.
We went to dinner that night to a high class seafood restaurant. I dressed sexy, spraying my most seductive perfume, hoping I'd be irresistible after a few glasses of wine, and some subtle flirtation. I had let the hostess know ahead of time that it was his birthday, and sure enough, they brought us out a birthday cake when dessert came around. One of the chefs even came out to help sing the happy birthday song. Carter wasn't one for all of the attention, I could tell, but he looked a little more irritated than I imagined he'd be, especially when they asked how old he was.
The ride home from dinner was especially somber and quiet. I kept asking if he was okay, and if I'd done something wrong, but he insisted that everything was fine. We made it back to my crib shortly before midnight. I had expected us to be touchy feeling, caught in the romance, anxious to rush to the bedroom to do our thing, but he just didn't seem to be into it. It was throwing me off, and bothering me. I tried one last time to address it.
"Y'know. Since it's your birthday and all. Maybe when we get into the house, we should get into our birthday suits," I seduced, as we sat in my driveway, ignition off.
He looked at me and smiled softly.
"Nah baby. Not tonight. Not yet."
That was the last straw for me.
"What the hell, Carter. Why not? It's been months. You're worse than those chicks who make men wait 6 months before they can get some ass."
"Trust me Bee. I want to. It just needs to be the right time. The perfect time."
I looked around. "What's more perfect than now? What exactly are you waiting for? I mean, butterflies and rainbows aren't going to come out of my pussy or anything."
"Just trust me, okay? Give me the benefit of the doubt on this. Let's hold off until it's time."
I couldn't understand what he was trying to get at, and it frustrated me. Rejection is never easy for a woman to handle, I get that, but this felt like something more.
