Our Home

The window

The last time I saw him, he got in his car and left. I watched him go, but I knew he would be back soon. I wrap myself in a blanket while watching the window. He didn't come back, not until today. Maybe tomorrow. I can't stop watching our front yard. Three big trees are swaying back and forth. Our tennis ball just lays on the grass. I still have that memory of us playing in the back yard. That ball was our favourite toy. I remember his smile. It made me so happy. But I also remember his tears. I always tried to dry them. The weeks before he left, I noticed he wasn't happy anymore. He cried a lot, we didn't play with that ball anymore and he didn't bother going outside. I always did my best to cheer him up, but my enthusiasm wasn't contagious. Maybe I was just a burden. He had to take care of me and I couldn't do the same for him. I often feel guilty. Maybe if I wasn't here he wouldn't be depressed. I hear a child laughing, so I immediately look to the right. Two children are playing with some kind of plank with wheels. It has a name, but I forgot. They seem to have fun though. Suddenly I feel even lonelier. What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong? Did he even love me in the first place? A car passes by and I get excited. My enthusiasm disappears when the car doesn't stop. It wasn't his car. I move my legs, because I can't feel them anymore. Most likely I sat to long in this same position. It's so cold and way too quiet here. My stomach doesn't stop talking, but my thoughts are louder. I better eat something, but what? And what if he comes home when I'm looking for food? I decide to go looking for food when I can't ignore my hunger anymore. I can still wait. My blanket can't keep my cold body warm anymore. I walk to the window and lean on the window sill. I can feel my legs shaking. How long can I do this? The neighbour's cat sits down under a tree. I lay all my attention on that little ball of fur. She shouldn't be here. This isn't her territory. The last time she was here, she attacked our tennis ball, but I don't want her to touch it one more time. It's my holy tennis ball. She keeps looking at me and I don't want to look away. I have to something. 'Get out of here! You, wait until Alec returns, filthy beast!' I blast. I tap on the window. Maybe that helps. The cat' eyes are wild and she hides behind one of the trees. I can relax my muscles again. Everything hurts. He left me forever.