•Prologue•

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I look at the bulletin board on my wall. It's full of college posters and brochures, uplifting quotes, and pictures. Pictures of all the important events in my life, pictures of my close friends, and baby pictures.

I am attending Dartmouth College in New Hampshire in the fall but there's something that's holding me back; my best friend Asher Mustgraves.

We've been best friends since first grade. I can remember the first day of school at Sunnyside Elementary. The teacher had came in and told us to quiet down so she can announce something. A small, frail, shy kid came in the room.

"Kids, this is Asher. He moved all the way from Arlington, Texas to Racine so, be nice to our new student." Mrs. Cathaway, our first grade teacher announces. "Hi Asher!" We all greet him. That was how we greeted new students, by screaming at them.

His face was so pale, it looked like he was embarrassed. His eyes were mostly down but when he did look up they were like the color of the ocean. His head was down and his almost platinum blonde hair covered half his face. He was gorgeous.

He sat by me and I introduced myself. He was shy and didn't say much went we first met. After a couple of days, he became more comfortable around me, everyday after school we'd always play video games and we've been bros ever since.

I started exploring sexual feelings around sixth or seventh grade. I first noticed it when all of the other boys in middle school were talking about girls and their boobs and asses that they were starting to develop. And then when I started high school, they were even more interested in girls and having sex with them.

I, on the other hand, didn't really know or understand what all the talk was about. I looked on the internet to see if there was something wrong with me because I wasn't attracted to girls like my male classmates and friends. I eventually found out what the word was called: Gay.

One day, when I came home from school, I told my parents. Not that I was gay, but that I was confused about my sexuality; I got a good response from my mother, who I told first. She was very helpful, understanding and she cleared up some questions I had.

As for my father, he was the total opposite. He lashed out, "What the fuck?" He yells. "No son of mine is going to be a fag!" He shoots up out of his chair and walks out of the dinning room. I start crying and my mom comes over and comforts me. "It's going to be OK Tobi." Maybe I shouldn't have talked about it over dinner.

But of course, it didn't turn out OK like mom said. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. I didn't want to upset or disappoint my dad. Ever since, he was making comments about me and when ever he saw a same sex couple on tv or something he would throw something at it, give me a death stare, and walk away.

Mom said it would get better. That he just needed time to get used to it, but he didn't. I even tried to force myself into liking girls, but it didn't work. I came to terms with it and I faced the fact that I'm gay and my dad would hate me forever.

I came home one day and sat my parents down. "OK look, there's something I need to tell you guys." I say slowly. "What is it son?" My dad Eric, asks. Well that's obvi that intimidated the living shit out of me. "Uh.. well actually it's about the winter formal." "Aww you have a date sweetie?" Mom asks. My dad starts to look upset like he knew what I was going to say. "Well who's the lucky girl?" I look at him. "Eric!" My mom Troian, hits him on the shoulder.

"Well, actually it's not a girl..." I say slowly. "Wait, what?! You're going to the formal with a boy?" My dad says. I start to get red. He stands up and pushes me against the wall. "Eric! Let him go!" My mom says as she stands up. "You are not going to be gay! I forbid you from ever having those sinful thoughts!" He yells at me, spitting as he talks. I start crying.

"Eric John, let my son go now!" My mom is small. She's 5'1 and my dad is 6'3 but she managed to pull him off of me. He just turns around and slaps her. Just then my younger brother Ethan, comes down stairs. "Dad!"

My mom is a very calm and chill person. She never raises her voice and hardly gets mad so, when my mom screamed at my dad and called him all sorts of "jackass", "bitch", "homophobic dick", and "wife beating asshat.", my brother and I were surprised. Even my dad looked shook.

They stared at each other intensely in silence and then my dad walked upstairs to their room. We all stood there until he came down with a suitcase. "Where are you going?" She says hoarsely. "I'm leaving." "Wait, what?" Ethan says. "Why?" My dad opens the doors and sighs. 

"I will not be in the same house as a revolting homosexual. You are not my son anymore, you have disappointed me like I never thought you would and I want no part of you. You're dead to me!" He raises his voice. "Eric! Don't talk to him that way." My mom defends me. "You're dead to me too since you want to raise a homo!" He looks around the room at my brother. "You know what, fuck all of you!" And with that he slams the door as he walks out. Walks out on us. Our family. Our lives. Me. I turn around and look at Ethan and my mom.

"I-I'm so sorry," I say bawling, barely making sound. Ethan looks at me with disgusting look. "I hate you." He stomps upstairs and slams his door. Mom looks at me for a second and then walks upstairs to her room. I can't breathe, I can't stand straight. I can't see I'm crying so hard.

That was the last time I've seen my dad. After that, I was depressed and I even tried to commit suicide a few times. I got help and Ethan stopped being mad at me. Most people were nice about it at school. For one, because I was a freshman, and two was because my dad left for being gay.

Some kids heard my mom tell the principal about our  "situation" and started to feel pity on me. But, Asher wasn't like that. He didn't pity me because I was gay, he didn't pity me because my dad left our family. He genuinely felt bad, but often made jokes about it to distract me or make me feel better. Even his dad started being like a father figure to me.

He was genuinely my best friend. And I loved him. Maybe I loved him just a little bit more than just a best friend should...?

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