One Last Game?

•Don't Kiss and Dream•

We get out of his car and walk to a near by bench. "Do you have spoons?" Kalin asks when we sit down. I pull some out of my pocket. "Ta-da!" He giggles. "Thanks," he grabs one and opens the pint. 

"This is actually really good Tobi," he tells me with a mouthful, I chuckle. "Thanks, it's my favorite. M&M, heath, turtle sundae. I made the combo myself. I love all three of the candies, so I thought, why not put them together in ice cream!" Kalin snorts. "That's so smart!" I smile and look at him. 

He's really cute. Short shaggy, sandy brown hair, a small button nose that crinkles up when he smiles or laughs. A small exterior and --, I look down at his hands. "Wow, they're so pretty." I say accidentally aloud. He cackles. "Thanks?" I pick up his hand and hold it in the air like I'm inspecting it. "No, seriously. They are so tiny, and manicured like a girl's hand." I joke. 

He must not have it was funny because his smile went faded and he pulled his hand from mine. "I'm sorry, did I offend you? Did you get picked on by them and I just brought up some bad middle school memories?" I ramble, but his smile comes back and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"It's fine Tobi. My mom would make me get my nails cleaned every week because I used to get them so dirty, playing in mud and all that. And I had a bad habit of nail biting and I hate the taste of nail polish so, it worked." He holds his up and wiggles his fingers.

"Yes, you did bring up some memories but it's fine. You didn't know." Kalin reassures me. "I would like to. Know, I mean. I would like to know. Know about you, your past, your troubles, I wanna get to know you Kalin." I smile and slide closer to him. 

Damn, I must really like him. I'd never say shit like this to a guy before because I'm shy and scared of rejection. But something about him just makes me comfortable. Kind of how I am with Asher. Oh shit, Asher! I totally forgot about him. Wow, I forgot about my maybe, maybe not anymore best friend/crush.

Oh well. I'm sure he's making out with bitch Paisley and forgot about me too. I'm sure our literal fight hasn't even crossed his mind since homecoming nor the fact that he hasn't apologized yet. But you know what? That doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't matter anymore. The only person that matters right now, in this moment is Kalin. And the only thing that matters is getting to know him.

"I mean, what do you want to know?" He chuckles. "I dunno, your favorite color, animal, your birthday, middle name, your mom's maiden name, your social security number." I joke, he pushes my shoulder and cracks up. "What do you want to do? Date me or steal my identity?" I pause at what he said. Date him? He wants me to date him?! Me! Does he feel the same way or was it just a joke too?

As if he had read my mind Kalin slides even closer, puts his hand on top of mine and grins. "Yes, I said what I said." I look at him puzzled. "I saw the look on your face and to answer your question, yes I do like you. You may not feel the same way but I--," I cut him off. "Oh no! I do, I very much so do!" I say smiling from ear to ear. 

He laughs, "Why didn't you say something then goof!" he says as he shoves me. "Why didn't you, goof!" I shove back. "I'm just shy I guess," I explain. "And as long as I've been gay, I've never been in a relationship, not much of one. I don't know how these things are supposed to go." 

He starts to take his jacket off and my eyes immediately catches his arms. "Yeah, I feel the same way! When I was a girl, guys used to be all over me. But now, I--," He stops, shocked by he said and realizing what I'm looking at. When I look up at him his grin is gone. 

"When you were a girl?" I question. Is he transgender? Does he also cut himself? Why didn't he tell me this before? Why is he so ashamed of it? Did he think I would judge him? All these questions flood my brain at the same time but the only one I could get out was that one. 

Kalin's lip starts to quiver and I can tell he's about to cry. "I'm sorry," He stumbles on his words. "I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out. I understand if you don't like me anymore." He starts to get up but I hold on to his hand. "Wait! Don't you want to hear what I have to say?" He pauses for a minute but sits down.

"I don't care if you are trans Kalin. Not at all. If you didn't tell me or weren't ever going to tell me because you thought I wasn't going to like you or I was going to judge you, you're wrong. That's not the case or who I am. I don't blame you for not telling me about you being transgender or your cutting right away because we just met, but like I said earlier, I want to get to know you."

"But I want you to know that I want to be here for you. No matter what's going on. We're just getting to know each other but if there's anything else you want or need to tell me, don't hesitate. I don't think I've ever found a guy like you that has all the qualities I wanted in a partner. Even if we don't work out as a couple, I'll always want to be your friend and I hope you'll want to as well."

At first it seems like me comforting him didn't help because he bursts into tears but then he wraps his arms around me. "Tobi, I don't think anyone has ever been caring and understanding to me and accepted me like this before." I rub his back a s he sobs into my chest. Kalin sits up and tries to wipe his tears away. 

I reach into my pocket and get the napkins from the parlor. "Thanks," He huffs with a small smile. "Oh my gosh, I've never cried like this in front of a guy before. Especially a guy I like. You must think I'm so pathetic." I smirk. "No, I think you're amazing and a pretty crier." He smiles and I use my right hand to stroke his cheek and my left hand to hold his.

"Um, I don't know if this is too soon, if I'm supposed to even ask, or if you've even kissed anyone but.. could I ki-," Again, as if he's reading my mind, Kalin comes close to me and kisses me.

It's soft. It's nice. He tastes like chocolate and ice cream. He puts both of his hands on my face and I put mine on his waist. I consciously know we're in a park, in public, but right now in this moment, it feels like it's just the two of us in this entire park, neighborhood, block, city, state, entire world. It's so amazing that everything that was stressing me out or made me nervous or anxious is gone and he's all I can think about. 

The kiss lasted about 10 hours but more realistically, 10 seconds and I never wanted it to end. We pull back and just stare into each others eyes for probably another 10 hours. His eyes are just so big and beautiful. "Should I have mentioned this was my first kiss or would it ruin the mood?" I ask. "Really? It was?" "Yes.. but I don't regret it. It was unreal." "Thanks." We laugh.