Insecurity ✅

Insecure

A/N: this is an old fict. Quite triggering and bad grammar. It's not like I'm getting any better but yeah.

Insecure, a feeling where you can’t help but feeling weak and giving in to everything bad that been thrown to you. Your look, your style, your singing and your popularity. Each one of those are important and yet you can help to feel insecure when you are the centre of the hatred. That would be me. 

The fail Yesung. Why I said all this thing? 

Not true? Don’t say a negative thing? Antis will be happy? Well it’s not me the one who think about it in the first. It’s you, yeah you, Insecurity. You living in me, eating up my soul, little by little. Poor little heart, it’s so dark and dirty from the bad thought that keep coloring you black.

When does it start? I… I don’t know.. All I know is… I can’t take it anymore… I, Kim Jongwoon, the solely hated singer who his sin is to be exist in this world….
Will stop all this.

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Insomnia was begin to torment the poor soul, the one lone soul who can help but stares at the ceiling as he envy any other human under the same roof who sleep soundlessly.

Tossing around the bed to find that one comfortable spot but too afraid to awake the poor roommate, his dear dongseng. ‘Sorry Wooki’ muttered him when the younger whine in his sleep when the shuffle of the bed sheet disturbing his comfort.

Keeping still in his position, laying on his back, much to his discomfort. What can he do? He doesn’t want the younger to hate him tomorrow morning for his disturbance, nope, scratch that tomorrow, it’s morning already.

‘Damn eyes, please close and let me rest.’ thought him restless. He lost counts of how many night he loss to insomnia. 

Counting sheep, sheep are to distracted.
Listen to a lullaby, keep him awake more.
Thinking of good thing, there’s none.

‘I should get sleeping pill’ thought him. Getting up from his nest, slowly walk out of the door, afraid to even disturb other sleeper at the early time. Once he reach his last try, the kitchen, he open the fridge to look for his target, milk. Heating up the milk and gulping it when it still hot. ‘Burned’ but he need it.

Quickly slip under his comforter, he close his eyes. Did it work? No it doesn’t. but he force himself to close his eyes. Shut it neatly. Make it tighter. His eyes hurting. But the pain send him to dreamland after an hour fighting. Sleep tight, dear poor body.

The morning come too soon. His eyes hurting, swollen and red. Too puffy to his liking. 

“Hyung? Are you okay?” ask the poor roommate Yesung thought. He must be disturbed last, Yesung think.

“I’m okay, why you ask,Wookie? Are sleep well last night?” he have to ask the obvious, thought him again.

“I’m never been fresher, hyung! I’ll go make breakfast first, once I’m done I’ll call you. Sleep a little more. It’s still early!” said the ertenal maknae happily. Yesung were taken back by the genuine smile and only can reply with what he thought the worst fakes smile he ever make. He didn’t went back to sleep, he will not.

The door were close softly, just like how he close his emotion for the rest of the day. Suffering but let it be hidden. 

The schedules almost getting into him. The dance practice, vocal lesson and fanmeeting. As usual, the least favorite members. Seeing how the fans shout for the others break his heart. No he didn’t break it for his member, he break it for himself. For not trying hard enough to gain what he should as an idol. ‘am I making the right choice?’ thought him, giving the biggest smile at the fans, reflecting negatively what he feel that time.