Holder of Sorrow

ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ (1/2)

(A/N): I dunno, this is just something I came up with 🤷🏻‍♀️ Uhhhhh... have fun, I guess :P

⚠️ Brief Mention of Suicide ⚠️

1st Person (Your) POV

I loved the idea of soulmates. I really did. I dreamt about it when I was young, imagining how happy I'd be when I, amongst many others, would meet the other part of my soul: the one who could understand me on a spiritual level, and the only one who would be able to tenderly care for me, both body, mind, and heart. Our souls would be intertwined together for all of eternity...

But no one ever thinks about what could happen if fate decides to torture you by ripping away your destiny from right beneath your feet. And sad as it is, there are more heartbreaks in the world than we believe.

See, in this world, there is such a thing as soulmates. There's no cliche 'spark' or any unique marking on your body... it's more of like some type of cosmic feeling. A subconscious understanding that you and your loved one are just meant to be.

But in all fairytales, there is a villain. That villain? It's Fate. Fate, although so kind to many, is very cruel to many, many others. And for me... I was one of those unlucky few.

I naively believed I would be able to, somehow, save myself from such a horrible demise. I'd be able to find my soulmate, whoever they were, and prove fate wrong. My parents had done it, so why couldn't I?

And I thought I won...

Because I met you.

You, with your beautiful brown eyes that changed into whole galaxies under the morning sun and became as dark as the expanse of the universe under the glow of the moon. You, with your adorable smile with a warmth so amazing that could melt even the coldest exteriors. You, with your hearty laugh that made the world stop to listen. You, you, you.

And somehow, you were my soulmate. I thought I couldn't be luckier. Me, an average, plain girl... being fated to live my life with someone as extraordinary as you.

But like all good dreams, they must end.

Mine just seemed to end too soon.

Because when you met me, I did not become your sun. I didn't know at the time that I was merely a star in your eyes; a star that could burn out right in front of you without you even blinking an eye.

Because you met her.

She, with her demure smile that could make men fall to their knees. You were one of them. She, with her ocean-blue eyes that could drown anyone. You gladly sank. She, with her sunny aura that made winter melt into spring. You said that she was worth melting for.

And of course, you fell for her.

You believed she was your soulmate.

And I let you. Because when I saw you both smile at each other, both of your fingers inching so close to one another, your bodies seeming to draw close to each other with an undeniable zing! in the air... I realized if I was able to switch places with her, to be your beloved instead of your best friend, I wouldn't want anyone to stop us from our Happily Ever After.

So I didn't.

Instead, I took matters into my own hands.

It was weak of me, I know. But what can I say? I'm merely a star. I can burn out and no one will care. Not the one that matters to me most, at least. And I know you enough by now that you're so far from my grasp. You're already so enthralled in the beauty that fate has gifted you. Why waste time?

— • —

I must have fallen pretty deep. The waves of the sea were dragging me further and further to the bottom, the seaweed tickling my cold skin. Somehow, my eyes were still open. I was looking up at the surface, watching the ripples in the water, making the moon look broken. I began to wonder then... could I have possibly ruined my chances in letting someone else fall in love with me? Could I have ruined someone else's chance in finding me, the other part of their soul? To be someone's Happily Ever After?

I highly doubted it. Who would want to fall in love with a star when they could be loved by an entire galaxy? To become an entire universe?

With that, I closed my eyes, exhaling my last breath, the bubbles escaping my mouth and floating up, up, up.

What I'll never know is that you had followed me.

I'll never know that you had dived in after seeing me jump from the cliff and into the water below. I'll never know that you had been the broken moon that I had seen. I'll never know that you had pulled me to your chest, furiously kicking your legs so you could reach the surface as quickly as you could.

I'll never know that you crawled to the beach, laying me on my back as you performed CPR immediately, the saltwater dripping down from your hair and onto your cheeks coated with sand. I'll never know that your tears fell onto my eyelids as you kissed me, pumping my chest desperately as you whispered soft pleas and several cracked "no"s.

I'll never know that you screamed and cried as the waves crashed against the shore, cursing the skies above when you couldn't hear my heart beating in my chest. I'll never know that you pulled me close to your warm chest, begging for me in a hoarse voice to come back. I'll never know that you gently caressed my wet hair matted with sand before kissing my cold forehead, hugging me tighter than ever as you whimpered in defeat, a part of your soul having chipped away when you let the reality set in... that I was gone.

But it's all for the best, isn't it?

After all... you have your Happily Ever After now.

... right?

"Come back to me."

• • •
What even is this (._. )
Lmao, sorry not sorry for all of the angst uwu
Serious Note: If any of you ever need someone to talk to, please come talk to me! I'm always around and open to chat (because I have no life outside of le Internet, lmao.)
I love y'all, fite me ùwú 💕