Take the Opportunity

So Lost

So Lost

I knew five o’clock had to roll around sooner or later.  I pushed my body upwards, stretching my arms in the air singing, “reach, reach, reach for the stars, there goes Jupiter, there goes Mars.”  I never truly wanted to grow up.  Once I stand up, I stretch my back out and kneel down to fold my blanket.  I walk inside to see my little brother sitting on my bed.  His eyes look bloodshot and you can tell he’s gotten the same amount of sleep as me. 

What’s wrong, Luke?

I’m scared.

Of what?

You leaving.  What if something happens to you? I’ve been running things through my mind all night; possible ways you could get hurt.   I’d never be able to live with myself knowing I wasn’t there to protect you. 

I hug him tightly and let out a sigh.  I can feel the tears beneath my eyelids, burning and stinging. 

I’ll be okay, people grow, Luke.  I’ll always be that annoying sister who told you that you looked fat.

He laughs with me.  He’s grown so much since he was eleven and I was thirteen.  He’s overcome his fear of scary things and got a job.  He’s been my rock for several years, even if I didn’t show it.  Every once in a while we had moments like this.  Except this time, it was in my cold, empty room.

It took another ten minutes before I was emotionally stable and ready to leave.  My mother was fast asleep and Luke helped me pile my luggage into the taxi.  I kissed him on the cheek and hopped into the taxi.  The airport was an hour away, so I’d be there just in time to run through security. 

I looked at him through the window.  He was just as lost as me.  We’d become companions for the past couple years and now, I was leaving him.  I smiled and held up my phone, signaling for him to text me.  He smiled a bit before it faded.  Then the engine started, I buckled myself in, pulled out my headphones.  I slide the now gray bar to the right and click the orange music app.  

There are nearly ten thousand songs on my phone, so I hit shuffle.  The first song is an old one, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ by One Direction.  I was only eleven when this song came out.  I giggle for a moment.  Once I turned sixteen, I kind of lost interest in them.  God, they must be in their mid-twenties now.  I let the song play and open up Google.  I search for ‘One Direction.’  Millions of articles pop up, including one from 2015. ‘Harry Styles caught making out with Louis Tomlinson before concert while naked.’  My jaw drops and I start hysterically laughing.  The taxi driver turns around and looks at me like I’m a nut-job.  Which in fact, I am.

I hit the back button and scrolled down to the Wikipedia article about them.  Clicking the link, I hold my breath.  The picture of them is recently taken, August 2020 at the Brit Awards.  I remember the first time they won one.  They were in their teens, but Louis was in his twenties.  I can’t get over the fact that they’re so old now.  I keep scrolling till I get to the ‘members’ section.  First is Niall.  I had the worst crush on him!  He’s Twenty Six now, he let his natural hair color grow up, and his eyes are still the same amazing shade of greenish-blue.  I can’t help but think how amazing and obsessive they were back then.

t’s only a couple minutes before I arrive at the airport.  Stepping outside of the cab, I breathe in the cold October air.  I walk to the trunk and pull out my suitcase and duffel bag, no help to the driver. 

I breathe in.  I place my right foot in front of my left as I hesitate.  I breath deep again, alternating my feet once again.  One after another, I find myself at the door.  I let go of my luggage with my left hand and push the door open with it.  My eyes widen at the fast moving people and the signs within every ten feet.  I continue to walk.  This time I fall and trip over my suitcase.  An older man sees me and immediately comes over to help me out.  I wasn’t ready for this I could tell. 

Within the next twenty minutes, I was on a plane, ready to take off.  I was so nervous, but ready.  It was time for me to break free.  The pilot’s voice came on the loudspeaker, asking us to put our seatbelts on.  I grabbed the seatbelt with my left hand, pulling it with my right.  I’m scared, but there’s no turning back now. 

“Here we go”

I almost stood up and walked right out the plane door, but then I sucked it up and continued my long journey to Mullingar.