Today is my first day of school in 2 months and I am so nervous. Lacey will be getting here with Liam in about 10 minutes. I have a quick shower and as I am doing my hair, I look at myself in the mirror. I have the same dark brown hair that everyone in my family has, but it is thin, damaged and torn. Under my eyes are dark bags, making me look exhausted. I don’t really sleep much anymore, and the crying doesn’t help. I used to be really into cleaning my face and looking after my hair, but seeing as I have been slacking, there are zits and patches of dry skin. Me and Lacey used to go shopping for makeup and clothes, and it was really fun, but recently I just couldn’t face going. I didn’t want to go back to normal, because normal was supposed to have my father there with me, and he wasn’t. I sigh and exit my room. I pass my father’s study, not looking at. I grab a banana to eat when I get downstairs. My mums awake even though she doesn’t have to be, and she has made me and herself a cup of tea.
“Thanks” I say, and I down it.
“It’s ok.” She smiles at me.
There is a knock on the door and I guess its Lacey. I walk up nervously to the door and open it. My best friend is there. Her hair is as long as ever and blond and her makeup looks professionally done. She is wearing a black short skater style dress with grey tights and boots. We look at each other for a while then jump into each other arms. Why have I been so secluded from everyone for so long?
“I’ve missed you so much” She sobs into my shoulder. She pulls away and looks at me. “I’m so sorry about your dad.”
“It’s okay. Let’s just not talk about it, okay? But I’ve missed you so much too.”
“Yeah, of course. Sorry.” I smile at her.
“Alena!” I look to my right and there’s Liam waving. He pulls me into a hug which reminds me that he’s huge – as in tall – because he pulls me into a proper bear hug. “You look great.”
“Thanks Liam, you too.”
“Well let’s get going, otherwise we’ll be late.” Lacey motions toward the car.
“Upgrade, Liam?” I observe about the car.
“Yeah!” His face lights up that someone’s noticed. Lacey rolls her eyes.
“Please don’t get him started!”
* * *
School went a lot better than expected. Although, some teachers kept giving me pity looks which were a bit annoying. People seemed to be happy that I was back. Chase had greeted me earlier with another bear hug and we’d chatted. But I was most excited to go to band this afternoon. It’d been such a long time since I’d last played with other people.
So as soon as the lessons were over, I headed down to the music room. We’d started as a band at school. Lacey and I had been friends since we were about 3 when we’d met at nursery, and when we joined secondary school in year 7, we’d heard about a band, and auditioned to join. Lacey sang and I played guitar and they later joined us with these two guys who were in the year above. Chase on drums and Liam on bass guitar. And we sounded really good together, so from there on, we meet every other day at school and on Sundays at Chase’s. It felt really good going, but when my dad got ill, I couldn’t go much anymore, the most I would go would be once a week and we would break out into loads of arguments because of the stress. I told Claire about this, and she said this time will be better, because I won’t have other worries.
I opened the guitar cupboard to collect my favourite guitar the school owned, but annoyingly enough it wasn’t there. I sighed and then grabbed the scratched brown one. I walked a few more steps to our practice room we use. When I opened the door sure enough Chase, Liam and Lacey were there, but there was also the new kid I had seen in some of my classes, with my guitar. Well not technically mine but still. The room was quiet until it dawned on me. They had replaced me.
After a very awkward silence, Chase said “Alena, meet Cole. He’s our new guitar player” He looked down.
Cole smiled awkwardly at me. I didn’t return it. Why had I been so stupid? Of course they’d replace me, I’m being selfish. I could feel my throat burning and my eyes stung and out of humiliation and embarrassment, I walked out and dropped the stupid guitar on the floor.
“Alena!” Lacey was chasing me. “Alena, wait up!”
When we were outside and in the car park, she grabbed my shoulder and stopped me. By this time tears of embarrassment were pouring down my face.
“I’m so stupid.” I sobbed.
“No, no you’re not.” Lacey wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry we replaced you, we didn’t know if you were gonna come back and Cole was there and we needed to get gigs and … I’m just really sorry.”
“Lacey, I’m not angry.” She relaxed “I’m just embarrassed because I didn’t think –“
“Look, how about we go for ice cream and catch up. I’m not just gonna push you out.” She started to drag me away from school.
“What about the other’s?” I asked.
“Ah, they won’t care.” She pulled out her mobile, “look, I’ll text them now.” The text said ‘Goin out with A for ice cream. Sorry.’
“See.” She looked at me and I smiled.
