Breakthrough

Chapter One

I couldn't feel my heartbeat when I lifted my hand to my chest. Instead, I felt it in my stomach, as if my heart had dropped down there. Breathing was becoming difficult to do. Everything around me was starting to get fuzzy and blurry. My hands were trembling and my palms were sweating. I was starting to get light headed since all I had was a donut and an Iced Latte in the early morning and hadn't eaten anything since.

That was eleven hours ago, it was as if I was to eat anything my stomach would reject it immediately causing me to throw up. Even though my body was in serious need of any type of food, I still couldn't get myself to eat anything.

The feeling was as if I was suffocating in the middle of the street and no one around me could notice. They just kept walking by as they usually do in their daily routine. Then again, I didn't really give them a chance to notice, after all, I was sitting on the emergency staircase while they were out dancing and laughing. Although I did confront them and tell them it was happening again, they didn't seem to care, they didn't want anything to spoil their fun, certainly not my wellbeing.

The only thing I was wishing to happen more than anything, was to wake up, just one second being here, and in the next being back home in bed awaken from this nightmare. The only thing I am wishing right now, since waking up from this nightmare wasn't going to happen, was to sleep, a full month of sleep. Escape is what I yearned for, what I wanted to do more than anything, and sleep had plenty of that.

Calling him seemed like a good option at the time, despite the fact that this night was supposed to make me forget about him, I called him. Hearing his voice would be enough to calm me down, even if it was just for a second. Although did I really want him to feel the satisfaction of me calling him when I'm in this state, suggesting I needed him. He had seen me in this state before and was able to calm me down, and this time I needed it again.

"Hello?", his voice echoed through the phone call.

"R-Ryder..."

"Yes, what's wrong?", you could almost hear him actually giving a damn. Just almost.

"I-I feel like I can't breathe, l-like I'm suffocating", I'm almost in tears at this point.

"Calm down, just breathe", he said as I tried to collect myself, "relax, what happened? What's going on?"

"I-It's the anxiety, I'm having an anxiety attack."

"Just try to calm down, everything's going to be okay", and he made it sound like it really was.

"I don't know what to do, where are you?"

"I'm in Garden Heights, listen I'll call you back later okay", it didn't sound like a question, but more of an 'I'm busy at the moment and I can't deal with this'.

"Ok".

"Bye", and he closed the phone.

At least he didn't close the phone right in my face the second he answered. To be honest, I'm surprised he even answered.

I re-entered the house again to find Alexis, and soon enough I did. I grabbed her wrist and dragged her to a room and she dragged the guy she was stuck to all night along with us.

There was lots of shouting, mostly I got hit with 'why did you come', 'what a buzzkill', 'let loose' and so on. I'll admit they hurt coming from my best friend but I didn't show it.

"Alexis, I want to leave", I said firmly.

"Then leave", she shot back.

I gave her a look of disappointment, I had never seen her like this, and it hurt hearing those words.

*Ring*Ring*Ring*

An unknown number was calling me, and I frustratingly answered.

"Hello?", it was a familiar voice talking.

"Yes?! Who is this?"

"It's me."

"Who the hell is me?!"

"It's me Ryder!", he yelled angrily.

"What do you want?", I admit I sounded rude but it was because I was fed up, I just wanted to go home.

"Is everything okay?"

"No."

Silence.

"Can you come to 5th avenue?", considering it was right next to Garden Heights.

"I'll have to call you back on that."

"Okay", and now I had been the one who closed the phone.

I gave Alexis one more look, she was all over the guy she had been with all night, her hands were all over him, she was sitting next to him on the bed. She looked at me and smiled.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of her", he said with a grin.

"Yeah, he'll take care of me", she said as she hugged him around his waist.

I turned around without saying a word and left. If she wanted to act this way, fine, but I wasn't going to stick around for it.

The Uber was on the way, and I couldn't wait to get in and go home. On the ride home, I called Ryder again.

"Not that you're going to call me again and ask me if I'm alright, but nonetheless, don't call me back", I knew my parents would ask me how the night went so I needed to make sure he wouldn't call while I'm talking to them, "and also don't come everything's sorted."

"Okay", he said like he really didn't care, like he wasn't even thinking of calling back, "are you okay?", he asked as if he felt like he was obliged to or forced to ask.

"No."

"Okay, bye", and he closed the phone. The whole ride home I kept thinking of how he barely cared about what happened and how a mess tonight had been.

Maybe calling him was a mistake.