Sing For Me

Chapter 4

Nate
*****

Why did this have to happen to me? What makes me so different? Why did some hypothetical metaphysical deity have to select me to one day question my sexual identity?

I guess a part of me had always known something was off. I am attracted to women so I'm not gay... entirely. I never was consciously into guys. The only exception being Evan, but as a kid I thought that the closeness, the bond we shared was simply because he was my best friend. It wasn't until I was 15 before I began to wonder. I asked my father about what being gay meant. I don't know what I was expecting but a 2 hour lecture on 'the sins of the homosexual' was definitely not it.

Standing up, I heave a dramatic sigh and finally put an end to the pity party I was throwing myself. It's now Tuesday, and I haven't seen or spoken to Evan since I ran out of my own apartment after kissing him. of course I know that was the worst idea possible given the circumstances, but I didn't know how else to react. I needed space, I needed to think. Not once did I think about what Evan must have been thinking. 'Shit. I should call him. No, I need to go to his place, he won't answer even if I try.'

But I can't just use my key to his apartment and waltz in there, that's not right. I'll have to knock.

After driving over and walking up a flight of stairs I do just that. No response. I wait a beat and then knock again. I can hear the TV on within the apartment. Did he look through the peephole and decide to ignore me? He'd have every right to do so but I can't have that, I can't have him mad at me.

*Thump thump thump* "Come on Evan, I know you're in there. Open up."

".. I'm not actually."

I nearly jump out of my skin. Standing to my left is Evan, holding a basket of clean laundry, to be folded. His apartment is next to the stairwell, so he must have slipped through the door as I was banging on the entrance to his apartment. I didn't hear the latch click shut. I can barely breathe, all I can taste is the scent of the detergent from his freshly laundered clothes. The scent of him.

"What are you doing here Nathaniel? Here to torture and then confuse the fuck out of me some more?" Evan says, glaring daggers at me.

'He used my full name. He's not going to forgive me right now' .. I still had to try.

"I-I needed to see you, I need to-"

"Well I need you to get out of my way and leave, quit blocking my apartment." he interjects, before I could say the word 'apologize'

"O-oh of course" I say stepping aside. "But please, let me-"

"Let me be clear. I don't want you coming around here anymore. I thought I knew you. But clearly you have some things to work out. Like your homophobia and whatever the hell that kiss was about. You know what, give me your copy of my key."

It was an awkward half a minute as I tried to get his key off the key ring. I never was good at detaching the little metal piece, but after a few unsuccessful attempts I got it and took the key off.

"Well.. I guess I'll see you around then.."

Ethan gives a sarcastic snort. "Whatever."

He opens his apartment door, dragging his laundry behind him before slamming the door shut. All I can think is 'His neighbor Mrs. Gunderson will give him shit for that.'
I give a disappointed sigh and walk down the stairs to my car.

I go home and skip dinner. I'm not hungry. I go up to my room and go to bed.

//Once upon a time I had a plan for where I wanted to take this story. Now I only work on it when I'm bored. I still have the general plot points but I'm not sure how often I'll be posting chapters, although I'm constantly editing/ adding to the chapters when an idea comes.//