Fuck-It list

"My 23rd Birthday Party part 2"

Once Jon had checked every cop car and crevice on Fry Street he decided to check my apartment to see if I had made it back home.

My brother had answered the door and told Jon I was passed out in the guest room. When Jon entered the room and saw me lying on the carpet bare-ass with the Goblin sleeping in the bed he decided to call it a night.

When I woke up the next morning, the only sign of the Goblin was one of her brown boots lying in the corner.

If she did fuck me, she's still owes me some goblin gold.

* * *

Later on that day, Tony and I finally got to the American Airlines Center to watch the Mavs game. Our homegirl Neli was completely wasted when she handed us our tickets.

Neli:"YAAAAAYYY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!"

Even though Mavs game was not as equally entertaining as the night before it's always fun watching Dirk squash shitty teams like the Golden State Warriors.

After the game I had got a text about an all Asian party in Denton from this Vietnamese girl named "B". Up to this point in my life I had completed pretty much everything on my "fuck-it" list.

Mexican girl. Virgin. Threesome.

I had felt I had reached a level of trim that only porn stars could see. But there was still one more sexual feat that I had yet to conquer: the Asian.

I always felt that the Asian fortune cookie was as forbidden for the black man as country clubs were. Only a selected few were chosen, and they were probably in a completely different tax-bracket than me. So when I asked the Vietnamese girl "B" if I could bring Tony, his roommate Todd, and our friend Kirk to the party, she texted me this:

"If ya'll bring some drinks, come. I am single and I dig you, so I'll dig your friends."

I felt I was on a mission that didn't seem so impossible.

Unfortunately, by the time we got there B and her friends had already chosen their dick suppliers for the night. Even passionate kisses and my panty-wettening lap dances could not seal the deal. But Ron Voyage ALWAYS has a back-up plan.

Around the beer pong table I saw a short, cute, mixed girl. Her hair was cut in a short straight bob. Her skin's high yellow tone went perfect with the brown cowboy boots she wore. I observed her a bit while Todd tried to work his magic on her. She seemed to smile and engage almost any guy that came up to her. This would be too easy. I stepped to her.

Ron: "You must be a TWU girl."

She smiled like a little girl that had been caught in a lie: "How did you know?"

TWU girls are the EASIEST of girls because ninety percent of the student body is women and six percent are gay guys. And that does not include the lesbian population.

It's actually an urban legend that women out-number men so much there that the water supply in Denton has higher than usual estrogen levels. There is such a lack of men that whenever "TDubbers" are around guys they will fuck like a lonely nymph on ecstasy.

Hell, these girls are surrounded by females so much that they will pounce even when they see a chick that looks she might have an oversized clitoris to sit on. A pre-fame Forest Whitaker would have a hard time NOT getting laid around TWU.

The best part about these TDubbers is once you've experienced them you can pick one out of a crowd just by observing on how receptive she is.

Ron: "So which T-Dubber are you? The bi-sexual or the strictly dickly?"