Reading Nation's Diaries

A Change for the Worse

After eating, the nations gathered around the table for the second time with the book sat on the table, begging to be read by the people surrounding it. It didn't take long for America to excitedly volunteer to read the next few entries. No one objected.

Upon opening the book and flicking to the next page and skim-reading the first entry of the session America's smile fell and he prepared himself to read, the entry wasn't as nice as he had hoped. "The Hero will read the entry now! 'Dear diary, I see the way everyone looks at me. Like I'm a monster. A heartless freak. They think l'm creepy because l always smile. It's because I walk down a road made up of miles of fake smiles. I smile to hide what's underneath. Really, I'm sad, lonely, and screaming for someone to care for me. But now, I'm ready to admit it.~ Russia' That's deep, dude." 

Russia was not smiling now. He was looking at the floor, hoping that people would just ignore him. Many people felt sorry for Russia and wanted to apologise, but how do you apologise and have it sound sincere after hearing something like that? Others could relate with the Russian about hiding their real feelings. Nothing was said; America read the next entry.

"Here's the next one, brought to you by the Hero! 'Dear Diary, I hate myself for what I did to Ukraine during the the Holodomor. I treated  her so poorly and caused her so much pain, but all she does is care about my well being. I hope that someday she may forgive me for what I have done.~Russia'"

No one said anything while Ukraine stood up and walked over to her brother. She engulfed him in a tight hug.

"I have not forgiven you, and I probably never will," she said, "However, I will never stop caring for you, no matter what happens."

Russia felt relived that his sister still cared for him. He knew what he did was wrong and strongly believed that she should not forgive him for killing so many of her people, but to her that she didn't completely hate him made him feel somewhat happy.

Russia eventually hugged her back and the pair stayed like that for some time. When they broke apart, America read the next entry.

"'Dear diary, everyone's always mad at me. They tell me I'm evil and cruel and insane. I used to ignore it, but now I'm starting to believe it myself. It's not my fault it's this way. Blame all of the wars I've been through... all of the people who've had to die by my hands. I regret every death- every single one. I never go a day without thinking about it. I wish everyone else would just understand that I want a friend.~Russia'"

There was silence. No one deserved to feel that way, even America felt sorry for Russia. Russia stared at the table and couldn't help but feel rather attacked by the book; a small, evil part of him hoped that other nations would also receive the same treatment. He stopped himself before he could go to far down that rabbit hole.

"Moving on! 'Russia says he's scared if Belarus, but, in reality, he's happy that someone visits of their own free will. Sometimes Belarus is all the company he has...'"

Belarus leapt from her seat to give her brother a hug, which he returned immediately. Russia tried to hide the tears sliding down his face, but his effort was ultimately futile. All nations, excluding Belarus and Ukraine (who had come to help comfort her brother), turned away and pretended to ignore him. Russia greatly appreciated it. When his tears finally dried America announced that he would continue

"I'll read one more. This one is also about the Commie Bastard, don't worry, this is a nice one, 'Ivan sits on his knees to talk to talk to Lilli, Ravis, or Peter, so he's not towering over them.' This one wasn't so bad, I guess. The note at the bottom the page says that Lilli is Lichtenstein, Ravis is Latvia, and Peter is Sealand."

The three small nations gave the tall man good-natured smiles and many other nations cooed at how sweet it was that he catered for their small statures.

Russia was still obviously upset about the diary entries so England suggested that they leave the diary until morning, something that everyone agreed to. England watched as Russia fled to their bedroom for some privacy and decided to continue his book in favour of giving the taller man some much needed privacy, he didn't doubt that he would want the same courtesy returned later.

America came and began pestering him about the diary entries. England found it exceptionally annoying when America proclaimed that he would be safe from the diary because of his heroism. England dared to correct his former-brother and was met with insults and laughing. In order to avoid all of the other nations, all of who had began to join in on the taunting, England excused himself to go to the bathroom. Thankfully, no one followed him.

He hid in a toilet cubicle and cried quietly to himself for hours. He felt guilty about running away from his fellow nations in order to cry, others had it far worse than him, and he knew that almost all of what they were saying about him was true. He wasn't a good person, but did that give others the right to ridicule him?  He was in a confused state between self-loathing and hating the other nations for teasing him. How he wished for his fairy friends. Why couldn't they come with him? When he thought about it, none of the nation's animal companions had come either.

He stayed in the toilet throughout dinner and only slipped out when everyone else had gone to be. When he arrived in his bedroom, Russia was soundly asleep, hugging his pillow to his chest. He silently slipped into bed without waking his room mate and prepared for another night of poor sleep.