Paradise Mind

Sky High

The pastel colors of the sky warm my skin as I lay on the hood of the light gold truck. I ask myself if the sky will always be like this because it's beautiful. It's what I want to experience on a daily basis. The heat of the sun and the cooling breeze of the moon bring pleasure to my drug contaminated mind. Here, the sun and warmth are limited each year. 

The feeling of the smoke and the chemicals on my lips create euphoria in my head every day. The absence of these pleasures sends waves of sadness and depression if there is no sun, if there is no warmth. The chemicals bring me sunshine on the darkest days. 

The presence of heat is what allows my body to appreciate itself, to enjoy the simple moments in life. The ability to experience everything all at once. The drugs and the sun are my happiness. They make me feel sky high as if there is nothing negative in my life. I smile more. I laugh more. I listen to wicked music and allow the rest of the world to fade away. 

The sunsets make the old memories disappear for a little while, it's just me and the sky. The vibrations of the music entertain my body while my mind focuses on the best feelings in life. The breathless laughter among friends who are family to me. The breeze that presses against my face when I have the car windows rolled down. The feeling of love. The feeling of being fucked up on something different. The combination of sunsets and drugs are my paradise.

My priorities are different from most teenagers. Sun. Drugs. Music. Chaos. The opportunities of the world as a teen become limited as each minute passes. The consequences of jail and lost opportunities rise as each year passes. 

Chaotic young years are the goal. 

My drug use isn't severe. I'm not here to hide anything. The experiences are my goal. The idea of witnessing something new each time is my desire. The desire for wild stories for later life. 

Drug addict. 

Junkie. 

Pothead. 

Stoner.

I have heard these names thrown around me, yet, they never seem to faze me. Why? It's the honest truth. My eyes have witnessed and my mind has thought of various magnificent things that can never be seen or thought of again. I love each illicit drug I consume. The feeling of always feeling something different all at once. It feels endless sometimes, but it's always cheerful.

The journey has only begun. 

I am not alone on my journey. But, my friends aren't like me. They cannot handle it. They crave the feeling of being high, of being happy because they aren't happy. I worry each day because new ideas are created in their mind, things I cannot handle. Pushing their limits is their habit. Their hearts hurt and their bodies ache the day after, but they suffer through it and say "it's not going to last."

I am satisfied with where I am which is why drugs are only a hobby. An everyday hobby. My body doesn't experience the same pain as them. We aren't the same. 

As the weeks pass, the drugs of choice become more hardcore and most mysterious. When I climb to the highest level of high, I feel content, but I accept the fact that the effects will fade with time. The others don't accept this fact, which increases their desire for more. 

My responsibilities and goals prevent me from following the dark path of addiction. My body can quit, but my mind doesn't feel the need to. I am not hurting anyone. I take my chemicals and enjoy the setting of my bedroom.

The others don't have limits. They press themselves to reach a new level. "One time" to constant use to distribution. 

The interventions never work. The times of being caught did not decrease their drug use. I sit next to them while the chemicals swim through my bloodstream and I wonder when it's all going to end. I ask when will be the last time we ingest something fascinating. When will the universe take our souls forever? When will "a little more" be too much? When will they find their limit?

One day one of them will take consume too many drugs and their souls will fly so high that I will be able to see them in the sky while sitting on my car hood. Then, the sky won't seem so lonely.