Paradise Mind

February 20th, 2019

february 20, 2019

my friend's parents found her stash. her nicotine- juice (empty), her pills as well as a bottle of svedka vodka that she was going to decorate. her parents reaction? they completely flipped out. her mother started crying, thinking that her daughter's actions were completely her fault. but we all know it wasn't anyone's fault.

we do what we do to have fun. live our lives as if today was the last day. yes, we will take that pill. drink that drink. eat that paper, just for the fuck of it.

we aren't here to hurt anyone, yet, when people find out the truth, they get hurt anyway. what's the point of the truth if it simply leaves a strain on someone's heart?

you know, she's already telling me about idea to quit for a little while. we both know that is not going to happen. she's going to find something to drink or smoke to get high. she loves her drugs just like i do. we cherish them. we love them as if they were us in a different form.

her life is getting hard and i have to sit back and watch. i sit here asking myself what i can do to help, but there's nothing. i'm not her sister, i'm not her mom or dad. i can be here emotionally while i still can. everyday, being the strong one makes my life hard. i have to sit back and watch others have their fun because they aren't mental capable of caring for themselves. i have to stay sober, count all the heads that came with us to the party. i have to keep my eyes out for any danger while everyone can't even remember their previous thought.

with my lifestyle, i know i won't have to go through the same issues. my parents love me and accept my decisions. why? because they trust me and they understand my intentions with my paraphernalia. they understand that my life is not dependent on these drugs. i do them for fun. for the experience in the moment. these opportunities will not always be there and that's why i need to take advantage.

i'm worried. she's my best friend. my sister. i can't lose the one person who understands drugs the way i do. she's the only person, but she doesn't have a line. she doesn't have the ability to hold herself back from the next drug. i'm worried. i'm not letting her fall into addiction. i'm not allowing her to take that bad pill, the tainted acid. i'm there to protect her while experiencing life with her. that's all we ask for.

just a little fun.

the idea of fun is what causes the rebellion. the realization of the unknown. the endless summer nights filled with contaminated smoke that we beg to breathe. the body-aching laughter that was caused from the right amount of illicit drugs. we love this life. we desire this life daily. the life that only certain movies portray.

the acceptance of drugs is what helps the pain, the realization that not all drugs are killers. to some, they supply stability. to some, it helps them sleep while others use it to avoid life issues. there are different people, who have different mind that are taking the same drugs. the connection between the whole population to the drug is inaccurate to the substance itself. every human mind works differently. speed. intelligence. one person does not represent the population.