Often, we tell others to look after themselves. After all, we want our friends and family to be happy and healthy. Yet when it comes to others telling us, what is our response?
Being honest, I've never really loved myself. This is reflected in the lack of self confidence I have amongst other anxieties and personality flaws. I'll admit I've put my body through a lot of internal pain, I've battled an eating disorder and emotional pain is still something I'm learning to deal with. I'm also a perfectionist, which may be linked to OCD tendencies. So, often, on the days of emotional turmoil, my body feels like it's been repeatedly pummeled. On those days, I find it hard to socialise, hard to eat or go outside, it's like I'm stuck in a hole and instead of getting out I just sit there until the hole gets bigger and bigger. I could get out immediately but slowly I sink deeper and deeper. When it gets bad, my husband Tom has to find a tall ladder and he comes and brings me out. I'm always thankful for him.
Yet, I know I can stop the hole from getting deeper. It can feel impossible, but it doesn't mean it is impossible. If my husband can get through to me, I must be able to get through to me.
So, I'll write. Writing is a therapeutic way to express your feelings, whether privately or publicly. I encourage anyone to write but for this specific chapter, I want you to write a letter to yourself. Not just any letter, a self love letter. You can write whatever you want but it all has to be nice. Here's mine:
Dear Kira,
Please, be kind to yourself. You face a lot, every single day and you feel a lot too.
Take it slowly. Things don't have to be perfect all the time, in fact, the unplanned moments are the best moments to be in.
You are worthy, you may think you aren't but that's just your brain trying to blame you for something you aren't responsible for. You are a work in progress but that doesn't mean you're hopeless. You are surrounded by people who love and care for you. Any unkind word spoken about you is just one persons opinion, you cannot be loved by everyone and that person could be going through difficult circumstances themselves. Breathe, forgive and remember to always be kind. You aren't a bad person.
Remember to feed and water yourself, starving your body even if you need to get something done is never a good idea, respect your body when it tells you it needs something. It's okay to cry but don't sit in the hole for too long, you are stronger than you realize, it's not like people haven't been telling you that for years.
And finally, look over all the years you've been alive, remember what you've achieved and know that the mistakes you've made are in the past now. You are a good, kind and caring person. Don't forget that.
Look after yourself.
Love,
Kira xx
After you've written your own, keep it somewhere safe where you can find it. The next time you feel yourself sinking into that hole, whip it out and read it but also really believe in those words you've said to yourself, then hopefully it'll get easier to believe as time goes on.
I haven't mastered the art of self love, but my starting point is now.
