The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most - An SOA Fan Fiction

Chapter 10

Amelia's eyes shot open, her heart was beating out of her chest as she slowly sat up and looked around but couldn't place where she was. Waking up from a nightmare was awful enough but waking up with no idea where she was sent it to new levels. Stumbling in her haste she must have made a few loud bangs on her way to the door, she met a concerned Juice in the hall.

"Are you okay?" He stood at the top of the steps in basketball shorts and no shirt, slick with sweat.

"Jesus Christ." Her hand slapped against her chest, startled by his sudden appearance, then she realized and remembered. "Feel my heart," she pressed his palm against her chest, laughing at her silly behavior. "I didn't know where I was."

"You remember now?" She was right; her heart was thumping hard against her chest.

"I do," she paused as he stepped into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. "I remember all of it."

Juice smiled, bright and goofy, and shrugged not wanting to make a big deal out of it. He didn't know how she felt but he doubt it was anything near how strongly he was feeling about it. "I went out for a run, came back and heard you bumping around up here."

"My foot got tangled in the sheet, almost landed on my damn face." She preened jokingly and fluttered her eyelashes. "Can you imagine a hooker with a busted face? How would I made any money?"

"Like I said the other night, that's the money maker." Boldly, he kissed her cheek to test her reaction.

Her smile fell and she scrunched up her face, he knew whatever she had to say was probably going to sting. "Look, last night, I don't regret telling you or the kiss but right now," Amelia shook her head and just said it. "Juice, nothing can happen between us."

"Oh, so I shouldn't propose over breakfast?"

Amelia sighed sadly at his weak defense. "I'm sorry. You're an amazing guy but I'm nowhere near ready or even wanting to be in a relationship. It goes beyond Keith but none of it has to do with you. I'm fucked up and you don't want this mess."

"You're not fucked up and you're not a mess and you don't know what I want."

"Either way, I know what I want and right now I just want you to be my friend. I need that more than anything."

Being angry was selfish, Juice knew that, but he couldn't help it. He had no idea what kind of fears lurked in her mind, what emotional scarring Keith had left but he knew he could help her, he wanted to help her. "Sure, of course I'm your friend."

"All that stuff you said you were working on finding, the wants in life, I'm looking for them too, and we'll find them but this, this isn't it, not now at least. I just need time."

It was at this point when Tig or Chibs or any other club member would probably go on a rage bender, maybe sleep with a few crow eaters but not Juice. He was feeling dejected and self-conscious but he wouldn't mask it with irresponsible behavior. He respected and understood her decision, he didn't like it, but he had to accept it and just try to show her he wouldn't change out of nowhere or hurt her. When Amelia was ready, he'd be there.

"All good. I'm gonna shower, maybe we can get breakfast after."

Amelia shook her head. "I'm just going to call my dad, have him bring me home. I have to go with a journalist to Oakland for a story in a few hours. Guess it's my first day, technically. If you're still my security guard, you can pick me up at like, ten?"

He nodded, "Yup, I'll see you at ten."

She was surprised he didn't offer to take her home. Instead Juice just grabbed a fresh towel from the closet and shut the bathroom door behind him. She didn't want to do that, not completely, but Amelia was trying to be responsible. Diving into another romance was foolish and her fears were the only thing that made it possible for her to turn him away. "JC," she knocked on the door. "Come on, open the door."