...

Is it lust?

In my head
Wrapped around each other ,silent. Laying on my back ,facing a charming man, an out of control figure. My beloved.
He kisses me softly ,escalating roughly.my beloved is a king in my heart , safe in my arms. Attractive to others but handsome and sexy , scrumptious to me.
Never considered our relationship for lust. He hurt others before me. But whenever you hurt someone you only hurt yourself doing ,right?
When you say something mean guiro follows with. Taking up an action meets the promise of a consequence. And so, my beloved hurt a girl or twelve. Loved 1 or 2. Acted impulsive and rash. He possesses a hard shell and a poker face , yet a soft core and running eyes. I know I'm young and naive , stupid too. But this feeling I know is genuine. I love him beyond I can explain. Im vying to see him. I'm missing him by every breath , every heart beat. I've seriously fallen from the depth of heaven , and grounded myself with his eyes , his aroma. I've really fallen In love with him.
As a child, as a teenager I'm sensitive. Yet I do things that make me suffer. I feel guilty quite often even so it wasn't my fault. I'm easy to manipulate. I confess easily. But I'm the perfect actress and the worst pathological liar you'll ever know. I lie to myself and I believe it. I can't stand it but i still commit to the crime. Alas I found a person to strip me out of my sins , my mischievous acts and my disturbing desires to hurt. My dearest , my person , my beloved. I love you.

He is the love that I wanted,
He is the element of my happiness,
He's the home I went to after I've been a stray my entire life.

As an overthinking soul , I tend to overthink the smallest details as they grow, so from time to time, when I don't get the attention I'm used to, or when I feel lonely, I ask myself a question , "am I really in love or am I just eager for lust?". I shake the thought away with a simple voice note or a text message or even a call to him , a healer indeed with just a breath from miles away.