Exceptionally good travel companions - APRIL SCI-FI CHALLENGE: ALIEN FRIEND

Exceptionally good travel companions

I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea.

But then again, when a bunch of aliens pop in and offer a quick tour around the universe, you don't exactly say no, do you?

"Why bring me, though?" I asked, tossing my DAY bag next to the chair they had shown me to. I felt odd as I sat down on the chair that for some reason didn't entirely match the other three.

"Humans make exceptionally good companions when travelling," the guy - at least, that's what he looked like to me - replied as he sat down in the chair nearest me, looking straight ahead throughout the glass and at the trees still surrounding the ship.

"But why? And why me?" I continued. The door opened, and another two 'people' entered. Without a word, they sat down.

"It's asking why we chose that one," the first guy informed them.

"She." He looked at me.

"Pardon?"

"It's she, not it."

"I do not hear the difference," he admitted, shifting in his chair to look at me.

"Well," I began; "It refers to objects or animals. I'm a woman, so I'm a she."

"But humans are animals?" he questioned, his brows slightly furrowing. The very human-like expression took me by surprise.

"I, well, yes, but-"

"Then what is the difference?"

"The difference is that we're... We can talk, we're much more advanced-"

"So one may call animals less advanced than oneself 'it'?" he questioned.

"No! I mean, I guess that is the gist, but-"

"Then I have every right to call you it," he decided, still looking at me.

"No! No, you do not, I am a person! You can call me she or you can not refer to me at all," I ended the conversation, crossing my arms above my chest.

I should've known that wouldn't be the last difficulty I had on my trip. No sooner than a few hours after we'd left earth, a deep rumble shook the ship.

"What was that?" I asked, stretching my neck to see out the window.

"Do not fear, human. It is merely a storm," the guy in control informed.

"I'm not scared," I puffed; "I just don't like it when I'm in space and the ship I'm on starts shaking."

"Oh, I have read of this!" the guy, who I was about to find out had listened to my earlier words, claimed.

"Humans react to fear by releasing drugs into their brains, that will either paralyse them or enable them to fight!" he explained to his teammates, who seemed as fascinated as I was confused.

"That's not-"

"We must not let her get stressed!" he urged; "However, I have prepared for this situation."

"Is anyone hear-"

"Human are social animals and tend to feel more secure in groups, and as they will bond with anything, it does not even need to be their own species!" he explained; "I will go get the support animal!"

He quickly stood up.

"Wait - uh, do you have a name?" I realised as I tried to stop him.

"We do not require names," another replied while the guy fascinated by humans left.

"But everybody should have names," I argued.

"It is unnecessary."

I quietened for a second.

"Can I give you names?" I asked. The two controlling the ship glanced at one another.

"Best to just humour it," one decided, before replying.

"You may name us."

"Okay, errr..."

The other guy entered.

"Jake!" I decided pointing at him.

"I am not sure what is happening," Jake admitted, looking between me and the two other people.

"I've named you Jake," I explained; "What's that?".

I nodded towards the device that unmistakenly looked like a Roomba.

"It is your support animal," he explained to me.

"It... It's a Roomba," I stated.

"It is your new pet," Jake told. I looked at it and back at him.

"That's a vacuum cleaner, Jake."

"It is an animal. See!" he tried, setting the Roomba down.

"Perhaps it is tired?" he suggested when it didn't move.

"You just need to turn it on," I explained, going over to it. I bent down and clicker the circular button on top of it, getting it to eject a quiet, rumbling noise as it slowly began driving over the floor.

"You have awoken it!"

"What? No, no Jake, it's, it's a Roomba! It's just a machine. It cleans your floor!" I tried again.

"Look," I urged, removing a hair from my shirt and placing it on the floor on the Roombas path.

As it drove over, completely unphased, it left the floor hairless.

"You have fed it!"

"I believe we are surpassing another ship," Clarke, as I had named him, informed his fellow pilot Susan.

"Is it friendly?" I asked from my seat. The Roomba (Who I'd named DJ) was still roaming the floors on his own.

"There is no reason to fear, human - you have your support animal!" Jake reminded me.

"It is a ship and does not possess emotions such as friendliness," Susan told.

"The human does have a point," Clarke mentioned to Susan; "We have brought no weapons."

"Oh, we're in space and there's a spaceship that might, might not be friendly and the only thing to protect us is DJ!" I complained.

"DJ?" Jake questioned.

"The Roomba," I explained.

"The DJ cannot protect us against intruders," he quickly retorted.

"First of all, he's a Roomba, his name is DJ, he isn't a DJ, that's just his name," I tried explaining; "And it was sarcasm."

"I didn't find it very humorous," Jake replied.

"No, that - that's the joke," I explained; "You say the opposite of the truth and then that's the joke."

They never quite got the hang of sarcasm - or humour in general, actually. Don't ever try to do a 'a horse walked into a bar', because in no possible scenario will it end in laughter, only in frustration and confusion.