Beautifully Disturbed | ✓

[67]

A/n: so sorry for the late update! I've been studying nonstop and totally forgot I was supposed to update! 😰

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Laila's POV

Alex looks at me, really looks at me. That far away look in his eyes have disappeared. It's as if he finally figured out how to focus his thoughts.

He flashes his most heart melting smile, a real smile. "I don't know what I did to deserve you. I don't know if I'll be able to love you as fully as you deserve but I'm willing to fight for it. Give me a chance to find my feet, to stop my own head from spinning and I'll prove it." He rests his forehead on mine. "I love you so fucking much."

I couldn't help but smile too. I understand that he's having a hard time grasping on the idea of love. He's gone through Hell and back, there's pieces of him still missing. Of course he can't give me all of his love, he doesn't even give himself enough love.

"I see you, Alex. I do. I see the real you. I see pain in those eyes. It has sat there for your life time, trapped in the confusion we all carry. I see love too, the love you would have given me were it not for the scars. It's still there and one day I will set every bit of you free. I'm not perfect, yet I love you, and I know what love means. I've fallen in love with the most beautiful person." I place a kiss on his forehead.

I feel the tears slipping down my cheeks. "There is so much of your life that is a hell for your soul and you stay there from strength rather than weakness, I know. I will join you in your pain, walk with you, feel the same torture I know you bare. And one day I'll find just the right way to bring you home, Alex. I love you."

That night, Alex fell asleep in my lap. I can tell he's sleeping with the utmost bliss because he wasn't twisting and turning, like he usually does. He slept cuddled up in my arms, without a single disruption, he didn't even have nightmares.

Sharing such a burden that he's been carrying for decades must have reduced the heavy weight on his chest. I cannot believe he's been keeping in such a horrible secret for so long, all alone and somehow he didn't ruin himself completely. Though, I have to admit, he was extremely close to snapping himself into pieces.

I couldn't sleep all night. I stayed up to cry to myself softly, without waking Alex up. I couldn't take it. I couldn't handle the disgust and agony growing in my heart. My heart strings are being snatched out and I could barely breathe. No child—no one should have to go through such a vile and repulsive event.

And his father? What a man he is! Someone like him doesn't even deserve to be a father in the first place!

My hands are clenching and then unclenching from the anger building up inside me. I want to give that horrid man a piece of my mind. I want to crush him to pieces.

Anger boiled deep in my system, as hot as boiling lava that's waiting to erupt from a volcano. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and I know it's too much for me to handle. The pressure of this rage of anger would force me to say things I do not mean, or to express thoughts I should  suppress for my own good.

I know that this feeling will pass, but while it hasn't. I waited all night for the anger to fade but it didn't.

I'm going to call Alex's father tomorrow. I know I'll flare up and say things that I should keep to myself but he has to know what kind of a horrible person he is.

• • •

I place a kiss on Alex's cheek as he was about to leave to go to work.