What Sucks About First Loves

You know what sucks about a guy you really really like? You can't imagine being with anyone else when you're older, but though he knew you once when you were a year or two younger, he acts like you don't exist now. And because you've fallen so deep in love with him, every time he asks someone else to the dance, or kisses another girl, you're heart breaks inside. What sucks even more though, is that he knew how much I felt about him, a year ago, but he still doesn't hesitate to flirt with every girl around him, in front of me. And I'm just standing ten feet away, glancing over at him occasionally, when I know he wouldn't see it. Then, I'm forced to just let my heart break over and over because I realize that this boy is young and dumb, and I'm the same way, falling head over heals for a guy I know I have no chance with. But I still think about him anyway, ahout how things would be different if he'd have said yes to me because imagining something great takes you out of your misery. Then I wonder, what if we got together later on, what if he loved me all along and he's just trying to make me jealous right now to ask me out later. And what if we married and had kids.  And our kids would know our story because I'd share it with them knowing they'd take it as a reason for them to believe in true love. Then, I wake up, and I realize I'm still a sophomore in high school. And I still have other people to meet. And other boys to date. And even if I marry someone else, and love them for all of their days, and have kids with them, I'll never forget my first crush. No one forgets their first crush. Then, I think, what if once I have a ring on my finger and have given birth a couple of times, my first crush sees this poem and realizes how crazy he really made me? Would he feel bad? Would he not care? Would he wish that everything turned out different, as I am wishing right now? I don't know, and I may never know but I better get over not knowing soon, or I'll be the one left without a husband because I couldn't get over my first love. And this is what sucks about a guy you really like. He can break your heart or he can build it up but you can never ask him to give you his ever again because it went so terribly the first time.