I hate you."
I.
Hate.
You.
The words forced their way into Cheryl and settled in her gut. They tugged at her heart and scratched at her stomach. Making their way to her head, they finally resonated and she realized just how sick the phrase made her feel.
Toni was crying now. The tears were quiet, no sobbing could be seen or heard, but the tears that fell were less out of pain and more out of tension. Everything that Toni had been keeping pushed back about the younger girl sitting in front of her ran towards the surface had broken free like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.
Cheryl took a step back in shock. Her mind was racing yet coming to no conclusions. All she heard were those words over and over again. They were like a mantra she'd always known that the other girl harbored, but refused to let slip from her lips.
Now, they didn't need to exit her mouth again to be heard. They were already here.
Toni watched as Cheryl processed. She hadn't meant to cause this, but that was the first thing that came to her mind about Cheryl. She hadn't moved past it for so long that just uttering it felt like a leap forward.
Despite the tears she felt leaving trails down her face, Toni almost felt numb. The one thing that had been driving her for so long was suddenly out in the open. She had no purpose anymore. The hate she'd felt was such a grounding factor of herself that it was like she'd now been pushed off balance.
"You hate me." Cheryl spoke more so to herself than to Toni. Toni lowered her head at the way it sounded, but couldn't bring herself to deny the claim.
"You hurt me." That was all Toni could think to say. She couldn't be bothered to explain herself. She knew Cheryl probably understood more about what she meant than she'd like too.
It wasn't as if they were talking about separate things. Despite the obscurity, each new the occasions they referenced but felt it best to only acknowledge them indirectly. Why dredge up the past any more than they already had after all?
"You know what, I know I hurt you. I was actually talking to Josie about this and --" Cheryl stopped herself after letting Josie's name slip. It wasn't so much the name that made her quiet down, but the look on Toni's face made her question saying anything at all.
"Glad to know you guys pulled your friendship back together." Toni's head was ducked, but Cheryl was sure if she could see her eyes right now they'd be staring daggers into her.
"Yeah. We did actually. She sort of became my rock." The last part was practically whispered by Cheryl. While she knew that she was probably only twisting the knife deeper, she couldn't stop herself for praising the girl who'd been such a good friend to her.
"Glad to know you weren't alone." Nothing about Toni's voice sounded like she was pleased in the slightest by the information. As she attempted to walk past Cheryl, the vibe became that much more prevalent.
"Toni wait..." Cheryl stepped in front of the other girl blocking her path, but the eyes that met hers made her question such a bold choice.
"Why did you get to have someone? Why is that? You got everything and someone to help you deal with it? Oh, but I suppose it must have been hard getting everything you wanted and some. I mean seriously, that's ridiculous! Does karma not know you exist? For fucks sake!" Toni was fuming and Cheryl saw the red haze in her eyes.
Not realizing what she was doing until it was too late. Cheryl approached Toni and entered her space before drawing her lips close to Toni's ear.
