Another house, another family and yet everything doesn't change. You sleep in a bed and have strangers act like they care about you, you believe until you jump to another house.. to another family. I thought I was a pretty good child until promises people made.. and never kept and each lie is like a brick ,building a wall around me and needless to say that the wall I created has so many bricks, that wall I made is so sturdy and strong, sadly I wish it wasn't. I went from a sweet little girl to a major bad girl.I have long blonde hair, small gages in my ear and a medium size tattoo on my forearm of souls crying, I have a non-caring demeanor I wore what was comfortable, I hardly smiled, I smoke all the time, I fight anyone that gives me a bad glare, I leave whenever I please and the worst part about that is I just turn 17. I've been this way since I was 13, ever since my mom would beat me and say I was nothing. She beat me because her fiancé , that man, disgusting, a monster raped me and yet I still managed to smile in school and wanted to better myself, but some things I couldn't hide, the teachers asked me questions about the brusies and the busted lips, and the broken arms and fingers, the black eye, and all I'd ever say was I'm clumsy, and brush it off until one night my mom beat me so bad..the neighbors called the police because my screams where in so much pain. I can't remember what happened but I woke up in the hospital, a woman in all white rubbed my head telling it's okay, then sometime later a man came in a suit, really handsome , tall ,mid-thirties, telling me that my mother has been put in jail for child abuse. I felt relived at the moment but then I realized I had no where to go and before I could ask the man any questions he told me I would be placed im foster care. Knowing that you'll be living with a stranger, to a new family , being placed somewhere with all new rules was very terrifying, but I had no choice I had no family.
The first family I went to was just a mother and three boys,the mothers name was Abby, and the three boys name were Chase, Cody, and Copper, I was the youngest out of all of the boys to they teased me alot, but with them it felt like home, they called me their sister, my foster mother would call me her daughter , they made me feel welcomed and actually apart of that family.The boys would teach me so many things, like how to play sports, how make fart noises with my underarm, or even to fight and not be afraid, I stayed with until I about 15, they were ready to adopting me, Abby promised that she'd love as much as she did her boys, and that she'd stand by me.One day she decided to take me out to get clothes because all the ones I had were to big or run down. We went into a store and there was so many clothes, she'd showed me a dress and I'm look at male clothes, she'd show me sandals, I was looking at sneakers, but she didn't mind and bought me the guys clothes and some girly ones because she thought it was a phase because I've been around my foster brothers for so long that I wanted be like them, but I was at an old enough age to know what felt right and wearing more masculine clothing made be feel strong and superior. At this point I knew I was attracted to woman, now of course I knew I was a lesbian for a while but it actually took me some time to actually open my mouth and say it.After I came to that conclusion, the first people I told were my foster brothers,they said it was cool, funny and made me feel comfortable in my own skin, they told me not to me ashamed of who and what I am, and I should tell my foster mother. Took me a few days to actually prepare to say it, I sat her down in the living room and I told her I wanted to tell her something she smile and grabbed my hand and told me I could tell her anything, of course I believe her, she was all but good me, her warms eye luring me in, I whispered "I'm a lesbian.." and that smile that she had turn into disappointed, disgusted.She let go of my hand told me to pack my things, I asked her why but she told me shut up and do as she said. My heart shattered, but as I was going up stairs to my room she told me that I was a disgusting beast and she can't have one in her home.I ran upstairs crying so hard as if god himself said those to me those words, my brothers asked me what happened and I told them that she didn't accept so I'm leaving, they told me no, giving me hugs begging me not to leave, I told them I had no choice.Packing my belongs were so hard, going back down stairs with my luggage was even harder, to look at her face and see the disappointment was unbearable. She told me to get the car, while she was grabbing her keys, we both walked outside very quickly, crying harder and harder every step I got closer to the car. As I sat in the front and she got in, she didn't even look at me or even think twice about what she was doing. She pulled off, taking me back to forster care as if I was a shirt she got from the store and realized it didn't fit. As she and I got out the car I cried and said "Mommy please...I'm sorry" and that was the very first I called her mom, she turned around with tears in her eyes "Don't call me that you disgusting little bitch." I was so shocked to hear her say that, yesterday I was her daughter today I'm a bitch because I'm gay. I said nothing else and from that point I changed, I walked into the foster care center and she made up a lie saying I was out of control and she could handle me, I let her lie and they took me back in. A few days later I got another family, but when I started school again I started smoking and fighting anyone who'd say something I didn't like, but I was very respectful to the family but they didn't like they way I acted so they took me back, then other house and back and other and back, happened repeatedly, it was a cycle, the last house I got my tattoo because I knew it would irritate this family because they were so holy, it was funny because they belive the could cure me for being lesbian, and all the damage that I caused to myself and others, so I got crying souls to be funny representing the damage I've done to people, but they didn't find it to funny.When I showed them the tattoo my new foster that I got they just shook there head and told me that if I kept doing things that I would have to leave, I laughed and said nothing new and left the house and walked to my girlfriends house to stay over .
