Dionysus | Short Stories/Poetry

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Why Having A Broken Leg Is More Important Than Having Anxiety
by raven

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One by one, I watch as they go up

1,2,3,4

I'm next.

I grip the edges of my seat

hold me breath

and squeeze my eyes shut

please not me, I beg

The teacher calls my name and I can feel my heart beating in my chest, almost like it's going to burst out

"Do I have to?" I squeak.

The teacher gives me the look and sighs

I can feel their eyes burning through me

"Yes." they reply

I stand slowly to my feet

shaking, gasping, praying for the bell to ring to release my from my personal hell, but as my eyes wander to the clock, I realize that class...is just starting

I reach the front and one by one their eyes meet mine

burning holes, much like the ones my teacher had moments before

I open my mouth to speak

no words come out just...

squeaks

finally I swallow, and whisper

"I have anxiety."

Silence

"Who cares?"

Apparently no one

after standing quietly for several moments I am dismissed with a look of displeasure but I don't care

I can breath again.

As I walk the halls

my teacher's words haunt me

who cares runs through my mind on a continuous loop until I am questioning myself

WHO CARES?

A boy hobbles past, a pair of crutches tucked under his arms

people rush to his aid, brushing past me as if I am nothing but thin air taking up space

They do

They care about the boy with one good leg and I think

why is he so important?

The answer is because his leg is broke

I think of all the gym classes he'll be excused from

something I wish that would happen to me

I was never good at sports, and saying that I'm on my period, it hurts too much isn't good enough

By having anxiety, it does not make me different from everyone else

If they have to present, then you have to present

quit complaining about your life

But...

By having a broken leg, I have people bowing at my feel like I am a god, and the ground I walk on must be worshiped because suddenly, I matter

People will notice, and offer their services to ensure that I am okay, but by saying "I have anxiety" they will start to disperse until I am alone again and have to fend for myself to ensure that I am okay

I am not okay

my leg is not broken

I am

I ask myself again, who cares?

Silence is my answer

no one cares

for my leg is not broken