Being clay

Chapter 1

I'm not there anymore.  When I was five,  I was still next of you,  asking for attention.  You never gave me what I asked. 

So,  I told myself that being stupid would draw the attention on me. I painted the faces of the ancient chiefs,  I steeled food and it worked.  Everyone was talking about me.  They started complaining about my behaviour to the third Hokage,  screaming at me when I entered your shops.

You wanted me dead. 

Many times you asked that I left the village but I couldn't.  I was only five. A little boy without his family couldn't leave his natal village,  it was impossible.  I tried to explained that to you but you just ignored me like always.  

When I was eight, I understood that it wasn't the good way to have your attention. You never wondered why the village was never attacked ? Because I was there.  When I was seven,  I trained  with the advises of the fox inside me.  I became powerful in a short time.

But you were still ignoring me. 

How many enemies did I killed,  hopping you would notice that there were a secret hero in your village? You never noticed. 

And that is what hurt me the most. 

When I passed for the third time the exam,  I chose to do it.  Maybe if I become a perfect student,  then you would know that I existed.  It didn't work.  You only said that the monster was gaining in power. 

At the time,  I wasn't a monster but a little boy.   Now,  look at what I become. I fat,  ugly,  useless monster who only think about power and attention. 

I really changed,  don't you think ? 

And now,  the war is over,  everyone is recovering and then,  there's me.  An old boy who sees his emotions go away from his cold heart that nobody wants to talk to. 

Look at what I become.  Because it's all because of you.  You,  people who didn't want to give the attention I needed. 

Now,  my mind is gone like you wished but my body is still on earth.

Are you still happy ?