"A Promise You Can't Hold Unto It"

"Memoir"

"A PROMISE YOU CAN'T HOLD UNTO IT"

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but need to let go. Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are the signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and to do it. 

 I was happy back then. The sadness and loneliness I'd felt for a  long time, easily faded away. The pain I've got it's all worth it. I thought it was the start of everything in my life, that the goodbyes begun to I, was just the beginning of everything in my journey.

Hence, all of a sudden, I woke up and learned that I'm only dreaming. I thought that person in the past just came back to life to lecture me for being weak again, losing all the courage and strength. The person I used to depend on, the ones, who can make me smile despite of my downfall, comforts me in every millisecond I cried. The ones who gave the phrases I will and never accept in an entire of my life. " I love you Rlle, you can do it baby, I will always watch over you and I promise that, I will never leave your side, ever". at first, I just ignored it and laughed about it until the day comes and she leave me, left me hanging in the air without even noticing I've been missing and dying too. She broke her promised, she leaves. She's gone and here there was the little me, waiting, holding onto her promise that will never be happen no matter what. Since then I never believe the power of that word. It's like a dead star in the sky. It is sparkling but you can't tell if it is still an active or not. 

Days, months, and years had passed and here I am, hopeless.  A lot of promises but never did happen. 

Dad promised me one thing, and that is not to leave my side, that I will always be her baby princess no matter what. That whatever happens he'll find a way to be the stronghold of our beloved household yet a little trial to his words, he broke. Again, they didn't keep their words. That's why I hate promises. Broken vows are just the same of the broken mirror. They will leave those who are made them bleed and end up staring at the fractured image of themselves.

Four years ago, a lad came to my life. His belief are somewhat related to mine. We hate promises. We believe in actions speak louder than words. That it is better to do it and not just making fuss you can. People promised because it is the easiest thing to do if they aren't sure they can do it, promises are the sweetest lie. Admit it or not. You are always swayed in to that word.

This lad never promised to me, but he is full of surprises. That's why I fall. Thanks to him, he catches me when I am about to fall deeper. One time, me and our group of friends are talking random things and I don't know what comes in to my mind and I told him to promise me. 

Me: say promise...

Him: ha?  what's gotten to you love? why would I? That's a pain in the ass.

My Friend Mhae: why! isn't it an act of reassurance? 

Him: Nah, Promise meant that you aren't sure if you can do things or not. You are betting your pride because you do not have confidence on what you've said. You might have a little confident on your words and resolve, but not on your actions. That's why I won't promise, I will just say the things I know I can do.

His Friend, Lester: what kind of rubbish is that?

Him: Shut up man! that's my principle.

Every time I remembered that words from him I ended up smiling at the same time sadness started filling me up. His gone and I don't know his whereabouts. All I can remember was is last word, " I won't. Promise" upon hearing his words, it's like my word crash. This idiot.. Did he say that on purpose? I want him to take back his words but I know he won't. He too, has the word of honor. What he mutters, he meant it. I wanted to cry and beg him not to do what have been in his mind, that whatever it is, but I can't. I know, he did what is best for the both of us. 

You carry me out, and I'd believe it.

You gave me word.

You filled me with hope and beauty.

You told me things I needed to hear

to take the chance and make the jump with you.

You make me feel like I was worth it, 

I was who you wanted.

but you shattered all quiet well.

 You couldn't take it anymore.

You turned around and left me hanging without you. 

 You told me you wouldn't ,

But you did.

You left me.

And you gave up on us...

There are so many times you can allow someone to let you down before you can't handle the disappointment any more. When things change, so people, they changed. There's a point in life where you get tired chasing everyone and trying to fix things, but it's not giving up. You have got to do what is right for you, even if it hurts.

A promise means everything but once it is broken, sorry means nothing at all.

I don't know if I laugh at the thought that I let this happen to me, cuz as far as I remember. I was trained to control my emotion, which I shouldn't let my actions over powered by my emotion. Or why I let myself gamble my  peso to a centavo.

This is what I'm talking about, I'm weak. Tsk!

I'm tired of the lies they filled me. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired to those hope and broken promises that weren't meant to be kept. I am tired to those promises that I can't hold unto it.