The Diary of A Suicide Addict

Entry two 4/15/2009

(Trigger warning for the ones who cut, burn, ect.)

I run down the stairs to grab my razors.

When I pass the living room I see my dad and his friends. They are looking at me with lust and hunger.

I need to lock my door tonight.

I go into the kitchen, grab my razors and my moms birth control.

There's no way in hell I'm becoming pregnant at 14.

I run up the stairs, only to hear multiple foot steps behind me.

Fuck.

I sprint around the halls and into my room. I turn around just in time to lock the door.

I turn around again and lock my windows.

I walk to my poster and grab my blade that is hiding in the frame.

I look at the piece of metal.

I look down at my wrist, I hate myself.

I slide the cold metal on my wrist and let the blood pool and run down my arm.

Too deep.

I went too deep.

The door frame falls on the floor, I stand up slowly.

Everything is doubling and blurry. My mom comes in the room.

"You slut!" she slurs

"Your dads friends want you, but your arm is a mess!! You cutting whore!!" She screams

One by one my dads friends enter my room. They barricade my door so I can't run.

Tears come to my eyes.

I'm going to be raped was all I could think.

They push me down on my bed

"Kitten your so small." one said roughly

They all ripped off my clothes, they touched me in places that should never be touched.

"Why aren't you wet!?!" another said

"Cause you don't turn me on" I say in monotone

They start to take down their pants.

Then the barricade is pushed down and my neighbor comes in.

Anger in his eyes he pulls the men away from me. He grabs a huge sweatshirt found on the floor and hands it to me. I put it on fast and the neighbor took me outside.

He takes me to his house and leads me to the guest bedroom.

He gives me a sad smile and closes the door.

I lay down on the bed and think about what happened.

I'm fucked.

Yours truly,

Clara Heartmen