~Best Left Untitled~

In the midst of missing you,
I twisted my head up,
Closed my eyes,
Held my breath,
Feeling the breeze of the wind,
Hearing the noise of the rustling leaves,
Then a long sigh.
Opened my eyes.
I saw a note fly by.
I chased it.
I followed it.
It read:

"I made a promise to myself,
To be not the one who will let go of someone.
Because I can't stand seeing them cry.
I don't want to be the one who will cause their heart break.
I thought I succeeded.
I thought I made it.
But in the course of keeping that promise,
I'm the one whom get hurt."

Reading that phrase made me think.
Do I relate to this one?
Or am I the one who wrote this?
Cuz this is me.
This is the exact thought that went through my mind.
The exact feeling I have before I read this note.

Then suddenly, all those memories came in like a flash.

~~~~~
Counting 1 to 3
Those days I saw you,
On the 1st floor of BayView.
Those days I never knew would change my life.
For the better.
The day I saw you was the day I want to thank you the most.
I caught you in a glance.
You were at your worst.
But you stood up,
Held yourself up,
Smiled at the mirror,
And walked away like nothing happened.
From that moment,
From that specific moment,
I knew I want to keep that smile on you forever.

I saw you again.
At the 2nd Street, the corner of the Palace.
Crying and rushing past through me.
You bumped into me.
Bet you didn't noticed.
But I heard your weeping apology and continued to run.
I didn't even get to see your face.
But I know it was you.
I want to chase you, but it's too late.
The time I looked back, you're gone.
From that moment, I swore to myself,
That I'll lend you a hand the next time I'll see you.

Waiting through the lines of the transit,
My daily commute,
I saw you on the 3rd row of the seat.
Constantly checking your phone as if waiting for someone to reply.
I grabbed the chance.
I stood up, not minding my line,
And tried my luck, waved and smile.
To my shock, you know me.
You recognized me, and waved back.
From that moment,
I never thought that it would be the start
Of the next chapter of my life.
~~~~~

For some unknown reasons,
I can still remember every little bit of it.
Every little detail.
Even the intricate ones.
How you held yourself up,
How you apologized even though you're crying,
How you waved back at me the first time we met.
It's still in my head,
Reminiscing the things we used to do.

And now, you're gone.
You're nowhere to be found.
Why is it that it's easy for you to let me go
Without ever letting me know?
All those nights,
All those paths,
All those laughs,
Are now just a fragment of my memory.
No more refresh,
No more redos.
It's just now a speck
That threatens to fade
The longer I wait.

If I had a chance,
Grant me this:
Would you give me,
Please give me,
This one last night to hold you,
To still claim you as mine.
Give me this moment and let's pretend -
That everything is fine,
That we're alright,
And that we're not on the bridge of falling.
That we're not really falling,
Falling apart.
But we already did.
Because you left.

And possibly, warn me.
Please do.
So that when it's time for you to leave,
Without me knowing,
I'll be warned.
I'll be prepared.
I'll get myself accustomed to this feeling beforehand.
But that won't happen.
Ever.
Because you never listened to me.
Because you already did.
Because you left.

And no, I won't blame you.
After all, I think it's my fault.
I asked for your reason,
You didn't gave me one.
Instead, I figured it out myself and feed it to you.
I gave you the reason.
The reason that caused you to leave.
And for that, I won't blame you.
I was right.
I should go back blaming myself.
Because it's my fault after all.
So no, I won't blame you.

And now it looks like I'm freeing myself from the shadows of you,
From the pain you've made on the day that you left.
I'm finally leaning onto the light.
I've learned how to pick myself back up from the walls you built.
Learned to care alot less when it comes to you.
Learned to be happy with no you.
Learned to live alot less lighter than that day.
Learned to smile frequently.
I guess I can truly say that finally,
After all this time,
I am definitely moved on to the vision of life that there's no you.