"It's fine," I told myself. I did what I had to. I did what was best. For both of us. But why won't the tears stop coming?
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This is a one-time piece that I wrote as a tribute to a character that I absolutely fell in love with over the past few we...
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"I still love you."
The memory of those words, still fresh on my lips, lingered unwilling to part.
After all this time. That's all I could think when I saw you in the doorway... when I felt your arms around me... when your eyes met mine... when the door closed behind you.
I looked out, scrutinizing the cerulean crests stirring against the horizon, but I found my gaze drawn to the waters hitting the base of the cliff below me. Sea green. Just like your eyes. A sigh escaped, and I felt my chest being tugged along. No matter what I did, no matter how I busied myself, at every respite I found my thoughts trailing off, back to sea.
I love you, you'd said, six months and one sea ago.
I had known, of course. Whenever our eyes met, your eyes held mine just a little longer. When you caught me, steadying me from a fall, you'd held me just a little longer. Your hugs always lasted just a little longer. Just a little longer. I want nothing more than to be with you, just a little longer.
But we couldn't be together. You knew that. I knew that. And I had stopped you, pulled you into the ocean. Going deeper and deeper until you stopped me, and I told you, This is what it means for us to be together. We wouldn't be able to hide it forever. And, when we're found out, it would mean throwing away everything. Our careers. Our place in society. Our families. We would be together. But together, we would die. And I asked you if you had that kind of resolve.
You agreed to stay as we were. You agreed to move forward as though nothing had changed. You answered correctly, briefly. Yet the hug that followed wanted to last an eternity.
The sun continues its descent, settling its golden shroud upon the horizon. Below, the waves crash against the cliff side. The wind picks up, caressing my cheek.
Your voice came rushing back to me, a light summer breeze, warm but tinged with a hesitant sorrow. You're doing it again.
It had been months since that day on the beach. I had turned from you, tried to step away. Yet, when your hand touched mine, my heart still leapt. What? I could feel your pulse matching mine as you firmly held my hand.
Looking to the side. You always look to the side when you're holding something back.
You weren't wrong. Why couldn't you be wrong? I broke away. Ran away. But you ran after me. You told me, that night, that you did have the resolve necessary. In the end, I couldn't get away. I couldn't change that I love you, too.
Sunset brings wisps of violet dancing into ripples of gold, sparking crimson where they touched. Around the island, I often hear others speak so fondly of the sunset, saying that the sight makes the heart flutter ever so slightly. Why is it, then, that my heart is so unmoved? Instead, all I can think of are those hours I spent with you, smiling with you, laughing with you, falling even more in love with you. I feel my heart sinking, yearning for the light while knowing it can't last forever.
We were found out. I managed to negotiate an option. I wanted to tell you. I meant to tell you, on our last day together. I just wanted one more day with you. I just wanted to make you smile one more time. But, on that day, when I saw your earnest smile and our eyes met, I couldn't form the words. I couldn't tell you then because, with your resolve, you'd have given up everything for me and you deserve so much more. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you that day. I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for being so weak that I had to tell you through a letter. I'm sorry, but I couldn't see any other way. And, with my heart in pieces, I had asked you not to look for me.
So, when I saw you in the doorway, one sea away from where I'd left you, I couldn't help it. When you held me, I couldn't help but feel my heart leaping back together again. And, when you told me how much you missed me and loved me, I couldn't help but tell you how I felt. "I still love you."
But we can't be together. I knew that. I broke your heart. I don't deserve to be as happy as you make me. You deserve so much more.
I pushed you away. I met your eyes.
Don't give in to my feelings. Don't be so weak. Don't look to the side.
Do what I must. If not for me, for you.
"Was that what you were expecting me to say?"
The waves broke against the treacherous rocks below. But the cliff stood, unwavering. After what seemed like an eternity, the deafening roar of the sea gave into silence and it sunk away in anguish, believing its song was unheard. But long after the sea had receded, hidden under the shadows of night, trickles of water still slid down the cliff's worn sides.
