la campanella

four

accompanying music for this chapter: nocturne en mi bémol majeur opus 9 no.2 by frédéric chopin

 In the living room, Christian placed me carefully onto the couch. Even though I knew I was safely indoors my body couldn't stop shaking and the tears don't stop falling. Christian sat close beside me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders to support me as I cried.

We sat in silence for a while. Here merely held me as I cried softly in the dark living room. I could tell he wanted to ask me questions but he didn't push me elaborate until I was finally able to slow my breathing and my tears. Yet, I still couldn't form the words to explain what had happened. My brain felt full of fog.

The only thing my mind could begin to muster was an apology. But Christian cut me off before it could even escape my mouth.

"I cannot even believe that you just tried to apologize."

I felt my ears growing hot – whether it be from embarrassment or from the physical toll of running for my life.

"But I want to thank you, at least," I looked up at his dark eyes, he was wearing his glasses. "If you hadn't been there, I don't know what might have happened..."

Christian interrupted me again. "You don't have to think about that now."

A silence filled the air around us. My heart was still thumping in my ears.

"You were at work?"

I nodded my head, for some reason I felt a pang of overwhelming guilt. I didn't know why, but I felt as though he had caught me in some sort of lie. I didn't want him to think I was in such a bad position because of his piano. I'd never told him I had gotten a job to help repay him.

Christian sucked in a sharp breath. "Listen, November. If you're doing this because of the piano and something were to happen to you. I don't know how I could live with that." His tone was pensive, maybe even sombre.

I snook a glance at him. "It's not just about that ..."

Suddenly, Christian untangled his arm from behind my shoulder and instead placed one of his hands on my own. His hand was big and gripped mine firmly, the sudden contact made me flush. "I don't want to be responsible for what could happen to you."

I could feel my brows furrow, once again I couldn't read the meaning of his words. Is he sad about what happened to me, or does he simply not want to be involved?

"I understand but –."

"I told you not to worry about the cost of the piano. I need you to understand that you cannot be pushing yourself for me."

I couldn't seem to avoid his gaze, he wouldn't let me. In the living room, his eyes were nearly imperceptible in the darkness but I could feel their weight as they bore into my own. We held each other in eye contact for a long moment. It was only broken when Christian moved his hand from my own to wipe the tears on my cheek. I tried to resist leaning into his gentle palm and remain still. The energy around us was palpable and thick with some sort of tension.

My heart was thumping again.

I didn't know what to do next. Although my body had several ideas. I hadn't realized who starved for physical contact I had been since I had left Brandon – and Christian was so close. It was Christian who broke the moment, leaving me once more conflicted about his intentions.

He stood up quickly. "You're okay?"

I nodded, unsure if my voice would be able to work in the moment. Christian nodded.