Neverendless

The beginning

Sometimes I like to stare out my window and think about all the mistakes I have made in my life. Some people think that if you think happy you live happy. I personally don't agree, but I am different from the rest. Some would call outcast, but I don't mind. It's always been like that. I'm used to it like that. Soon you will see what I mean. I'll try to give as much detail as I can.

          Tonight as I glare out my window and look back on the past, present, and future. Some say its called the present because its a gift to be here I disagree. Life to me is just a big old mess. I have learned to live with it though. I know that I will have to deal with it because if I don't my future will be really hard for me. I have learned to suck it up and keep emotions to myself. I know what your thinking "isn't that bad for your health". Well, yeah, but it helps me from causing more drama then there needs to be.

         I will say sometimes I do lash out on people or slip a few words here or there that I don't mean, but I feel as though everyone does that sometimes. I mean I am different from other people so maybe I am just a bit crazy. I have been told that since I was a little girl. Once again I keep to myself about that. Always have. That's how I am crazy, mad, sad, big old mess.

         I have thought that from the beginning. Growing up, I was always called ugly, fat,... Etc. I therefore believe that. Others such as my parents or good friends disagree but, I personally don't see what they see. I get confused a lot. I seem to always not to be on track. The only time I think I am is when I am writing in here and even then I am focusing like 75%

     

            I feel out of place here. I mean everywhere when I say "here". So I escape reality here. This is my stress reliever. This is my..... What's the word....... Void. I guess. I need a name for you. How.. About... Mia...... Named after my very best friend. You will hear about her later, but for now hello, Mia.