American love affair // Michael clifford

six

a/n WARNING: contains possible triggers!!!! if you do read it please enjoy!!

Sams p.o.v

it had been a couple of days since me and Michael kissed and things were still pretty normal. nothing had changed. that's what i hated. nothing had happened, i mean i didn't really no what to expect but i guess part of me wanted him to ask me out on a date or something. maybe i was over reacting and he didn't feel what i felt in the kiss, maybe he didn't mean it when he said he liked me and it was all just in the moment.  i didnt have time to worry about it. i had to push the feelings away, i had alot to deal with, filming started tomorrow and i was really nervous to see how all the designs were going to turn out. 

i had just finished making my lunch when cal and ash walked in with 2 girls on their arms. 

" hey sam this is Stephanie, and that is Casey." ashton pointed at the girl and i waved and smiled at them.

" uhh you can call me steph" the girl with perfectly curly brown hair spoke.

" nice to meet you guys im sam." i placed my food on the table and began eating. They all sat down and joined me while ash made them food.

" it must be great living here with the guys?" steph asked while looking around the room, examining it all.

" its great but you no living with four boys is hard work. especially when one of them cant decide what his feelings are"  i quietened down at the last bit as i gritted my teeth.

" speaking of boys and feelings where is Michael?" cal as turning around as if he would walk in on que.

" don't know, don't care,  he is a big boy he can take care of himself." i replied coldly while standing up and taking my plate to the sink. no one had seen Michael since the night we kissed, he just kind of seemed to disappear. 

" oh come on sam, don't pretend like you don't care." i tensed up at ash's words. i didn't want to hate him but i kind of did. i mean who tells someone you like them then does nothing. " he told us about the kiss" i froze. why would he tell them? 

" what did he say?' i asked turning back around to face them. steph and casey already looked uncomfortable. 

" he said it was a mistake and shouldn't have happened, im sorry but you need to know. we hate seeing you mope around waiting for him." cal spoke, and my heart shattered.

" at least now you know" ash said as if it was meant to make me feel better. 

" yea he is right it shouldn't have happened. um i have to go. last minute meeting for tomorrow, ya no to get everything done. i think im gonna stay on capus tonight to clear up some stuff. see you guys tomorrow" i grabbed my stuff and headed out. no way was i coming back tonight i didn't need extra stress.  i drove to the coffee shop where i was meeting don, trying to get him off my mind.   

"hi don" i took the seat across from him and placed all the paper work in my arms onto the table. He slid me the coffee he had ordered me and i took a sip then relaxing into my chair. 

"everything seems to be coming together ready for the shoot. but i do have one last request, its kind of a big one!" i stopped sipping my coffee half way though and gave him a confused look. what els could have gone wrong, did he want my decision about the internship, because i hadn't really decided yet. 

" go on" i ushered him nervously.

" its not confirmed but we may have a problem with the girls in the video. as you know each guy will have their "love intrest" but the girl that was booked for calum has dropped out, if we cant find anyone we would like to see you play the part, everyone thinks you perfect!" i was shocked and happy, shocked they picked me but happy because it also meant they thought i was good enough to be in this video. although now that is it running through my head to i really want to, no way am i pretty enough to be in it.

" i guess but only if you cant find anyone, i mean i cant just leave the boys hanging, can i ?" i questioned

" no you cant" he chuckled and sipped his coffee " that's all your free to go, oh and Sam" i looked at don as i was bout to exit. " yea?"  i questioned. " nice necklace"  i traced over the locket. my mother gave it to me the night she was in the accident i havnt taken it of since. i walked out the coffee shop and headed to the bus stop. once i arrived i had a good 15 minutes until the next bus i could get back to campus. i flicked out my phone and began to scroll through twitter. 

@michaelsbea: @s_a_m needs to leave the boys alone. no one likes you go die.

was the first thing i saw. it hurt, how do these people even know bout me? then i saw it. a picture that luke had tweeted of me making breakfast with the caption ' best cook around the guys and i are lucky to know her'. shit. shit.shit. soon there was so much more hate coming. notification after notification. 

@5sos_life: @s_a_m need to leave the guys alone, no one likes a groupie. she is an ugly slut. go jump off a bridge. 

tweet after tweet. hate after hate. i couldn't take it. i let a few tears slip as i read. the bus soon came and i got on faster than anything hoping it would somehow make me get home faster. i pulled up my sleeves and hid my hand in them. i placed my head phones on and turned up the volume hoping to drown out any sound. i flicked through a couple songs until i came to birdy- not about angels. i always listen to it when im like this and it somehow helps me. i looked out the window looking at everyone, so happy, so free, and im here, trapped. 

the bus pulled up outside the campus and i grabbed my stuff and headed out, i walked as fast as i could already feeling more tears brimming in my eyes, i began to pick up my pace and when i reached the doors of my dorm i yanked them open and i ran to my room door, slipping the key in and turning it. i chucked the stuff i had in my arms on the floor, it scattered at it made contact with the cold ground. i sat on the ground as i let tears flow freely down my face, i grabbed my head and buried my face into my knees. 

after about 5 minutes of constant crying and blaming myself i decided there was one thing to do, so what once wouldn't hurt me, i used to do it loads, it makes me feel better, its my release. i stood up and walked to my bathroom taking out a brown box from my drawer and unlocking it with the key around my neck. i looked down at the shiny pieces of metal. i took a breath in and picked one up. i dragged the cold, sharp  object across my skin multiple times. as soon as i did the tears stopped and the pain went away. i did it a few more times, deeper each time. i looked at myself in the mirror, make up smudged, hair a mess, i was ugly and everyone knew it! i began to feel light headed and everything soon went dark 

 A/N sorry i had to. thank you guys for the reads! if you havnt go check out my other fanfics would really mean alot. vote nd comment!!