Fall (On Hold)

Lucky

We walked together silently, he knew where I was taking him and I’m sure he was wondering what I was planning. I breathed in the cold fresh air as we stepped out of the stairwell and onto the wide, flat expanse of roof, walking over to the edge my eyes took in the busyness of the street below but before I had too much time to think about what I was doing, as always, I stepped up onto the concrete barrier which was intended to stop people doing exactly what I’d been doing for the last two years. “Mackenzie-“ Noel began to speak but I held out my hand encouraging him to join me on the barrier. Noel sighed as he grasped my hand in his sweaty one and allowed himself to be pulled up beside me. He looked extremely uncomfortable and I almost laughed at his pained expression, his concentration was placed upon his feet as he attempted to arrange them in a way which didn’t have him feeling as though he was about to go plummeting to his death. But despite his obvious fear he moved to stand even closer to the edge, his feet in line with mine. “Don’t” I reached out my hand to stop him, “You might fall.” Noel looked up at me, away from his feet, his eyes flickering with annoyance. “And if you did, what then?” I shrugged my shoulders and looked out towards the skyline, “It wouldn’t matter.”

I stepped down from the barrier and Noel did the same, the moment was broken. “Is that really what you think? That it wouldn’t matter if you fell?” I was still avoiding his eyes, feeling uncomfortable beneath his judging gaze, I kept my facial expression stoic as I responded, “I suppose. After all I wouldn’t care, why should anyone else?” It was then that Noel turned to me, his forehead creased in determination. “I would care.” He said firmly, I let out a throaty chuckle and rolled my eyes. “No really,” He said gripping my arm and stopping me from moving away, it seemed he did this a lot, “I would care. I don’t want you to do it anymore.” This statement forced me to yank my arm out of his grip, “And you obviously think that that would be your decision to make.” Noel suddenly looked guilty, as though realising what he’d just implied. “It’s just, this self-destructive behaviour, it isn’t healthy.” My mouth quirked into a smile at his words, and I shook my head at him, feeling disappointed in his thick headedness. “Noel, I’m not trying to kill myself. I’m trying to fix myself.” Automatically I regretted my words, there was no possible way Noel could understand this without lengthy explanation and that wasn’t something I felt like doing at the moment. But nevertheless beneath his curious eyes I continued, “Don’t you see? Every time I step onto that barrier my body does nothing to stop me, it’s like I’m shut down and waiting to die. But you, Noel. You started to shake and your hands got sweaty because you knew that you didn’t want to end today. I live for the day I’m afraid to fall.”

I could tell that Noel felt slightly shaken as we trudged silently back down the stairs, I paused as we reached my apartment door. I turned to face him and was about to open my mouth to say something, I’m not sure what but somehow my instinct was telling me to say something which would make this whole situation slightly less tense. But before I could get a single word out Noel spoke; “Don’t, just don’t. I’m sorry, I just need some time to think about this.” He said before backing away and beginning to walk down the final two flights of stairs to his apartment. I was stunned, initially because I had no clue what there was to think about, I liked standing on the edge between life and death, was there something wrong with that? Maybe, but it was my business whether I wanted to put myself in that position and I was slightly disgruntled that Noel seemed to have a problem with it. It was after all, really only my problem and no one else’s. With a sigh I pushed open the door to my apartment and walked inside, placing my keys onto the glass coffee table which reflected the glow of the setting sun, casting a warm golden light throughout the room. Shrugging off my jacket I threw it down on the couch, which I’d never before sat on and wandered into the bathroom to admire my bruises. The first thing I saw was the bruise on my jawline which had already turned purple, I tilted my head up to get a better look, it was then that my eyes fell to my arms, somehow the two brutes had managed to bruise me when they’d grabbed me, leaving hand shaped marks on my upper arms. This was nowhere near as bad as what I’d had before however this incident had brought back many memories of previous times where I hadn’t been as lucky or even worse, where it seemed I’d become lucky before a fist would come out of nowhere, firmly knocking the realisation into me that I was not and never would be lucky.  

A/N: I'm so sorry this is really short but it's more of a filler chapter basically. So now we know why Mackenzie likes to stand on the edge of the roof. Do you thinks she's crazy or not? I'm curious. TILL NEXT TIME AMIGOS. 

oh and if you liked it please don't forget to vote and/or comment. And if you didn't like it feel free not to vote but I'm happy to hear some constructive critisicm so go for it :)