Playlist:
The fault in our stars by Troye Sivan
For everything a reason by Carina Roud
The Writer by Ellie Goulding
Please don't go by Barcelona
Already gone by Kelly Clarkson
Goodbye my lover by James Blunt
Run by Leona Lewis (lots of songs i know)
reference to "Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers" in the beginning
~*~
Loving Harry the way Louis loved was beautiful, because Louis sees him everywhere, in the stars, in the river, for him, Harry is everything that exists; the reality of everything.
Harry was the first person Louis looked with a mouthful of forevers. Their love came unannounced in the middle of the night when there were no stars up in the sky and they shared a small bed.
Their love came when they had given up on asking love to come and that has to be part of its miracle because that's how they healed. They kissed each other like forgiveness, they held each other like the other was hope, their arms were like bandages and they pressed promises between each other like flowers in a book. They wrote sonnets to the salt of sweat in their skin and Louis wrote novels to the scars of Harry's wrists. They had planned to write a dictionary of all the words they had used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found someone like the other.
They weren't afraid of the other's scars.
Louis knew sometimes it was still hard to Harry let him see all his cracked perfection but Louis made sure to let him know that:
Whether it's the days he burns more brilliant than the sun or the nights he collapses into his lap, his body broken into a thousand questions, he is still the most beautiful thing Louis has ever seen.
He will love him when he is still a day.
He will love him when he is a hurricane.
Because it's easy to love someone when they're happy. What's hard is loving someone when they're crying on the bathroom floor at 2am because everything came crashing down at once. Louis loved Harry every second of their lives together.
Harry was the type of boy who had the power to take Louis' heart and shatter it into million pieces and take every organ out of his body and empty his veins into the bathroom floor... but damn Louis got the chance to be held and he'll never feel that full ever again.
He'll never feel that full ever again.
He wants to feel full again and right now he needs it... but the boy across the street isn't there so he can't see the starts with him. The boy across the street isn't there for three days and Louis is empty and soulless and he thinks now he knows how it is to be dead without actually dying.
His mother tried to say you brave, brave thing. One day, you're going to stop leaving the door open for people who only know how to keep leaving. But that wasn't something Louis needed to hear to feel full, also, it's not something Fiona believes in. Mainly because Harry isn't the type of person to just leave. To just disappear from day to night without a word knowing the consequences and pain he is leaving behind. He wouldn't hurt Louis this way. He would never fucking hurt Louis.
But in reality... That last night they had together, everything Harry did and said... it was his way to say goodbye without actually saying it. Without Louis realising. Louis heard that unhappy endings sort of sounded like him leaving. And it was so much more. That's not only an unhappy ending that's a nightmare without end, where he is trapped and this time he really wants to get out and scream, but he can't.
